Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

bipolar mood swings and the beauty of a rose

Bipolar is so very weird. When I’m depressed I can look at this rose and see nothing of beauty. I’ve also had experiences where the beauty of something is painful because I feel so left out.

With mania, the rose is too beautiful. I could look into it forever – which is not exactly true as when I’m manic I don’t do anything for very long. My attention would be grabbed by something even more beautiful.

When my ex partner Ivan was really psychotic and in the hospital- I took him a rose- it had a lot of symbolic meaning to him- it was blood red- it caused pain- etc.

Well, it’s pretty obvious that a rose isn’t just a rose is a rose…. 😉

Today I want to just look at the rose for what it is. A beautiful flower. I live in Portland, Oregon- also known as the rose city. The roses here are stunning. My goal is to have a normal, stable and appreciative day. ( I can do it!)

Julie

Is it depression or bipolar depression? A Quiz!

The following is an excerpt from an article I wrote for healthyplace.com on the difference between bipolar depression and uni polar depression. I wonder how well you can do! A lot of it was new to me as I wrote the article!
A Quiz: Name that Depression

The following examples will help you (or someone who cares about a person with depression) get really clear on the depression you experience. This can lead to the right treatment plan.

1. Have you ever been depressed and thought, “What is going on? I felt fantastic just last month! I had so much energy and life was great. I don’t understand this. Nothing happened? What’s wrong with me? Who am I?” and then you feel fine again a few months later. (BP Depression with rapid cycling between mania and depression.)

2. You went through a job loss and got depressed for the first time and then the depression went away when you got another job. (Situational Depression.)

3. You were depressed, took an antidepressant and then suddenly things got better. You felt your head clear and even your vision got razor sharp where colors were gorgeous and people looked beautiful. Life was full of hope and you couldn’t wait to make plans for the future. If someone said you seemed abnormally upbeat, you said, “I finally found a medication that worked and now you want me to go back to being depressed?” (Antidepressant induced mania.)

4. After a down mood for over a year you went through months of feeling great where you partied a lot, made friends easily, worked effortlessly and had a lot of ideas. The good mood raised a lot of confusion in your friends and family, but not enough to see it as an illness. You thought, “This is the real me! The depression is finally gone!” (A manic episode after a long BP Depression.)

4. Felt depressed and uncomfortable with agitation, trouble sleeping and the fear that someone was following you. Your thoughts were racing and your patience was low. You felt a lot of suspicion, heard voices and yet you had a lot of energy. You sometimes had suicidal thoughts. (Mixed episode with depression, mania and psychosis.)

6. People commented on your down mood and seemed confused as to why you were always depressed when you had so much to live for. You had trouble getting out of bed, had no enthusiasm for life, cried a lot and felt hopeless. Your work and relationships suffered. You had either been like this for months or had a low level depression for years. You found an antidepressant that worked and have not experienced depression again. (Unipolar depression)

7. You’re depressed and have tried five antidepressants. They don’t help at all and you feel more and more despondent. Your health care professional says, “I have no idea why these meds aren’t working. There is a drug called Lamictal that works with depression, let’s see if that will help.” You take the Lamictal and feel better. The doctor asks, “Have you ever had a mood where you were filled with energy and didn’t sleep much but were not tired at all the next day?” This question finally leads to a discussion about bipolar disorder and you both realize the medications didn’t work because you have BP Depression and have had mild mania for years without knowing what it was. Eventually the illness was stabilized with Lamictal and an antipsychotic. And you can truthfully say, “I finally feel like the real me.” (BP Depression)

What above situation describes you (or the person you care about)? Is treatment correct and adequate? The answer to these questions can help you take charge of your BP Depression so that you can get an official diagnosis, find the right combination of medications and create a treatment plan that is BP Depression specific. It may be scary, overwhelming and confusing to realize you have Bipolar Depression, but the diagnosis is a life saver. It makes sense to spend a few years finding the right treatment plan than experiencing a lifetime of depression. The results can lead to a stable life that is filled with great relationships, productive work, a true sense of purpose and joy.

Julie

This is an excerpt from my article on the difference between uni polar depression and bipolar depression published on healthyplace.com. The article is available in full on the menu to your right.

Bipolar Disorder Rapid Cycling: Feeling better.. a lot better

This blog is a chronical of my severe rapid cycling- it helps me to write it and I’m glad it helps others. Two nights ago I was worn out and despondent and then I sat up and said to myself, “Enough of this. No matter what, you can still function. Just get going Julie. Deal with what is going on with your economic status and do what you can!” I felt better the next day and I feel even better today. I have to face facts head on- my life changed with the economy as it did for many, many people. Yes, it has caused great stress – which always leads to mood swings. But I have to deal with it.

My mom helped a lot in the months I couldn’t get the mood swings to stop. I managed to do all of the social things I usually do and that helped. Isn’t it odd a depressed person can go see people and be ok and then go down and start crying as soon as they get in the car! That tells me something about this illness- we have more control than we think. If we can feel better with people- we can harness that in order to manage our own brains when we can’t be around people.

Introverts and extroverts deal with bipolar disorder very, very differently. Bipolar disorder medications can affect a person’s desire to be with people as well. A friend of mine is on anti depressants for social anxiety and the change is amazing. He says he’s more able to go out and be around people- and talk to them!

I’m always interested in people who care about someone with this illness- as I have been there. Loving someone with bipolar I can be very scary, especially if they have a lot of mania.

Let’s be real about this illness- it’s rotten! I wish there were a cure and we could work and actually use our talents as much as we want! 😉

One day.

Julie

Animals, love and bipolar disorder treatment!

Bipolar Disorder Treatment and Animal Friends

I call my cat Bibi my depression companion. It always amazes me at how much better I feel when I spend time with her. Even when I’m crying and feel I can’t function- I can still pet Bibi!

It is the same with my mom’s dog Cookie. It’s hard to be depressed around her. I have had days were I sit in my mom’s backyard in a depressed stupor- but I always feel better when I see Cookie.

Petting an animal releases endorphins- throwing a ball with an animal increases endorphins! So it makes sense that our animal friends could help us all manage this illness more successfully.

Bibi needs a lot of attention. It’s hard to focus on her sometimes, but I make myself see it from her perspective. She really loves playing with string- even if it feels like a Herculean task to play with her, I make myself do it. I always feel better afterwards.

Is there a pet in your life that can help you feel better?

Julie

Bipolar disorder and the economy: A great reader comment

Here is a comment from J. on my blog about the economic climate in this country- it’s a good one!

thank u for this. I needed some cheering up. financially we are at out wits’ end. I function only due to my meds. without them i’d be dead now. bipolar is no joke, and having financial problems on top of it…well, it’s hard to stay sane. I CAN choose to enjoy as much of my life THIS MOMENT as I can, no matter what is going on around me. so I try. I fight depression. my meds keep me from mania which is good or we’d be in worse trouble. I thank god I still have left things to be thankful for RIGHT NOW. tomorrow will be dealt with tomorrow. that’s how I cope with money problems I can’t fix. one day at a time. if I live in the present I can cope better with bipolar too. thanks for this blog and newsletter things u put out. it helps. u know what we live with. take care.

Wow, thanks to Jen for putting into words what a lot of us feel. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS- it’s just money- it’s just politics- it’s just change. I struggle with my worries- and then realized the situation doesn’t change if I worry, it changes if I work at change. I sound like Obama! Those of us with bipolar disorder do experience things more strongly than others- we get sick and stressed enough as it is- when you add the economy to this, things are tough. It will pass.

I will not let it get me down- Julie

A Wonderful Weekend Retreat

Well, isn’t it nice to read that I had a great weekend! It was great to experience it, believe me. This past few months have been such a challenge (euphemism!), so feeling better is wonderful. And no, I’m not manic. (Thank goodness.)

I went to an interfaith retreat for people with disabilities who work with people who have disabilities! – brain disorders and physical disabilities. Yes, some people have trouble with the word disability, but I believe it’s an honest word that honors the struggles those of us who are not able to work, run, talk, etc go through. Does that make sense? It was a joyful experience of shared stories and a lot of learning.

I will post some pictures because it was a happy time. So yes, even if you have chronic, relentless and debhiliting depression, the episode can end and things can get better.

And now I have to write what I always write in the summer-

– Is your mood going up?

– Is there a significant difference between your mood in in the winter and your mood now?

– How are your bipolar meds? Have you thought about stopping them because you feel so good?

– Are you sleeping less than normally? Do you have throughts such as – it sure would be fun to stay up all night and get a lot done!

We all know what the above means- the beginning signs of mania. If you’re experiencing these things and they are not the norm for you, there is a lot of information on this blog about the signs of mania and how to manage this very dangerous mood swing.

Julie