Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Datind and Bipolar Disorder

As many of you know- one of my greatest regrets of the past few years is that I could not date due to panic attacks, OCD and a lovely dash of psychosis- this often leads a person to spend time with someone who is not the right someone! Dating was just too stressful for my bipolar disorder. Note that I say it was too stressful for the bipolar. What is so frustrating is that the real me under all of the mood swings is not all that stressed out by life situations. But unless it’s treated daily- bipolar wins.

I have worked diligently for the past few years to learn how to manage this stressful reaction to dating in a few specific ways. Here are two:

1. I decided to become celibate so that I could relate to men without feeling nervous or worried that I might have to go out with them when I didn’t want to (how about that odd idea!) – or that they would stare at me and not ask me out- or that I didn’t know what to say- or that I made mistakes- or that the mania would make me do something I would regret. A true vow of celibacy for a year changed me profoundly. I highly suggest it.

2. I also realized that the person under all of the anxiety and other symptoms actually has had many excellent relationships with men over a lifetime. It’s just that I met most of them when I was manic! I no longer let mania go too far, so that took out that dating technique. haha. I knew that this meant that I had to relearn how to interact with men in a dating situation so that I was not responding in the way bipolar was making me respond.

These are just two of my techniques for dating. It has worked. How about that! We can change. Panic attacks and other frustrating, uncomfortable and seemingly endless bipolar disorder symptoms can be managed. Sometimes we can change with one decision- at other times it make take years. Who cares. That important thing is that we keep trying.

I will keep you posted on my dating life. I will save you all of my stressful thinking- I save that for my journal!

I am very interested to hear your dating stories and how you cope! Julie

Wow! Thank You Sandra!

I am trying to think of how long I have had this blog- I know it has been years. I know many of the postings have created great conversations- but nothing has ever, ever resonated as much with people as Sandra’s post on this blog. You can see it below. I must say thank you to all of you who wrote such encouraging comments- and then thanks to Sandra- because believe it or not, she answered the comments! What a special person. I know that many of us will find a lot of encouragement and hope from Sandra’s openness and how others have responded.

We are not weird for reacting strongly to situations- we simply have an illness that often gives us TRIPLE the emotions than what would be expected!

Sandra’s post is below- you can click on the comments icon or go to the right to see all the comments. It’s as good as novel!

Julie

200 sign ups this weekend!

I am not sure what was in the water this weekend- but there were 200 sign ups for the blog. I guess it was from the newsletter on Watch out for Summer Mania. We all need that reminder. If you scroll down you can read the newsletter on the blog.

( I am not sure what’s going on with the title and the extra U in the word up. I doesn’t look like that on the editing page! )

I also received many comments on the posts and promise to have them posted as soon as possible. I read each comment carefully and though I can’t answer each one in detail- I can definitely get some advice in there and point people in the right direction. One big help is the categories column to the right- there are many posts related to the questions I receive. Also, I keep promising to start a weekly podcast where I answer questions- that is the quickest way to get information out to blog readers. I will have it set up soon!

My goal for today is to work a full day- and get a lot done. I found that I got off track a bit last week as I had some big changes in life – in a good way and in a stressful way. I always remind myself that stress can be good or bad- such as a wedding or a breakup. For those of us with bipolar, stress is almost always a trigger unless we are super stable. I spend my life watching out for and modifying my triggers- and it has changed my life 100% for the better. I write a lot about triggers.

Welcome all new members- I will update the blog as much as possible- and get that podcast started soon.

Remember, so no matter how sick you are- you can get better. If I can get better and stay focused on my life, you can as well. It just takes time and a plan.

Keep the comments coming- I really appreciate them.

And join my Fast Food Challenge if you can! I feel a lot better. You can read about it below.

Julie

BipolarHappens.com Fast Food Challenge

As you may know, I have always struggled with my weight. This became much worse when I took 22 bipolar meds in three years and gained 80 pounds. That was in 1995-1998. I have lost 50 pounds and want to lose the last 30 so that I can be of a normal and healthy weight. It’s reasonable. My problem is that I lose it and then gain it back and it doesn’t seem to stop. This time I have to lose it and keep it off as it’s not healthy for a 46 year old woman to keep going up and down with her weight. It’s not healthy for anyone!

I know how to eat correctly- I was raised on natural food and have spent all of my life seeing western and eastern doctors equally.

My problem is junk food. It helps me feel better when I’m depressed.

I belong to three mastermind groups- one of them is with my friend Lorraine. She is an extremely natural eater and is unbelievably healthy- I admire that. For our mastermind, I help her with writing and getting published and she helps me stay on track food wise. My first commitment to our mastermind was to stop eating at fast food joints. I did it. I feel better.

Do you want to join me? This is easier than trying too much at once. This simply means you bypass:

McDonald’s,Burger King, Taco Bell, Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, Dairy Queen, etc etc.

So many people with depression eat this junk and so many people mania do as well- when they remember to eat!

Here is the plan. I have stopped eating fast food. Period. I made a promise to my friend and have asked her to hold me to it. When I think of pulling into those places- I truly picture her and what it will be like if I have to tell her – I will be so disappointed that I disappointed her and myself! This is a way that helps me stick to my promises.

If you would like to stop fast food and join the BipolarHappens.com fast food challenge- let me know. We can do it together. I now have to find alternatives to the junk, and I find that I am eating a lot more natural foods. Like I used to!

I wrote about this in a blog quite awhile ago – and have finally started my plan. Let’s do it together. I promise to post regularly on the topic and be honest about my progress.

Julie

Julie Fast Family and Partner Questions

Hello,

I receive many questions a week regarding how bipolar disorder affects relationships- I have experience in this topic from all angles- that’s for sure! My former partner Ivan was ill for months in a manic psychotic episode and then a suicidal downswing. I went through the fear of calling the police, working with hospital staff who looked at Ivan and asked what HE wanted in terms of being hospitalized instead of asking me- I was sitting right there- Ivan was sitting there – completely psychotic and basically saying he could take care of himself by drinking water all day- and despite my telling the staff what was happening- they listened to him- so we had to do commitment. Then on to the court to keep him in the hospital- this may be very familiar! And that was just the beginning! This was in 1994. I was finally diagnosed in 1995 at age 31- we have different forms of the illness- he has full blown mania ( Bipolar I) and I have hypomania (Bipolar II)- which is why I wasn’t diagnosed when I had my first symptoms at 17.

I also have two family members with mood disorders- and it has been tough- but Lamictal changed EVERYTHING for us. They know all about the Health Cards and use them to a certain extent, but are not the type to work on management all day as I do- the medications have been a miracle. Especially in terms of negativity and anger/aggression. I use the ideas in the Health Cards from a family member perspective and they have been amazing!

I also know a lot about teenage bipolar and often work with teenagers.

My family and partner coaching business is the best way for me to help with any situations involving relationships- especially when a person is psychotic and needs to go to the hospital or a partner refuses treatment. I have worked with every situation and have been through many of them myself. This is the best way for us to exchange information on the illness and your particular situation.

If you wish to work together one on one- here is a link to my coaching page to find out more.

http://www.juliefast.com/family-coaching/

If you would like general information- the blog has a category list to the right with most topics. For partners, my book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder addresses many of the questions I receive. Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is excellent for anyone affected by the illness and is an especially good book for those just diagnosed as well as those who love them. Get it Done When You’re Depressed is for anyone who is held back by depression in terms of productivity. (In other words- all of us!)

I am always thinking of how I can answer more questions on the blog, but it’s always hard because of time limitations. I plan to start a question podcast and that will help. I read all comments and stories and always love to post them as they help so many people- and I am always working on way to get to questions by writing more books! If you find your relationship questions are not answered in my books- please send me a coaching inquiry. If you still have a question- please send it along and I will definitely add it to the podcast list. . Also, other readers can send in answers – as we just did with the blog on how people remember to take their bipolar meds. It has been a great interaction! I do read all of my mail, so…

Keep sending in comments!

Julie

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Bipolar and Parental Responsibility

Parental Responsibility

I believe that people with bipolar disorder who have children have an extra important role as parents.

It’s so easy to take bipolar disorder out on children- whether it be a lack of physical contact with a child when a parent is depressed or involving a child in dangerous behavior when a parent is manic. Children are so vulnerable. I will never forget a friend of mine telling me what it was like growing up with a mother who had bipolar disorder. She said, “When she got depressed, she stopped doing everything. I remember coming home from school and she would be on the couch eating potato chips watching soap operas. We had to get our own dinner. I was about 10. Then she would get better and clean up the house and things would go back to normal. We never talked about it. It’s not ok that she did this. I know she was sick and she couldn’t help it, but she saw what she was doing because I could tell she was guilty. There were things she could have done to get better.”

I have to agree with my friend because I have seen how bipolar affects my relationships. I don’t have my own children, but I have a nephew and a cat. Now, that may sound funny, but the situation is the same. Children and animals need physical contact and they need to play. If you’re not ‘there’ when you’re with them, they suffer. My cat loves to play with paper bags. When I’m depressed, the thought of playing with her is overwhelming. But I make myself do it. I get on the floor and we play with the bag. She gives me so much pleasure, I want to do the same for her. I feel a lot less guilty when I take 10 minutes to play with her.

It’s the same with my nephew. I make myself be there for him when we’re together. I tell him what’s going on and I make myself break through the fog of depression to play with him. He will respect me for that one day! There is a vido of us talking below.

If you’re a parent with bipolar disorder, it’s a great opportunity to show your children how hard you work to manage this illness. They will be so proud of you when they are old enough to understand.

Julie