This reader comment from Lyn is so helpful, I had to put it up top! Thanks Lynn- these are great suggestions.
Julie,
I have always had a weight problem, I am very large, but I gained 40 pounds when I finally got diagnosed and put on meds, and played with them until they got it right. This year so far I have lost 30 pounds. I did just a few things differently and it seems to have had a ripple effect. I stopped buying sugar in bulk and changed to packets, and started using a sweetener. I add a small amount of sugar to the sweetner when I add it to something hot since heat makes the sweetner taste flat unless I do. This way I feel like my hot cocoa and homemade puddings are still tasty treats. I also stopped buying butter/margerine. I used this in baking and I did a lot of that, and now I can’t. I have found I eat less bread now, who knew I only like butter on my bread! The last change is I put my upbeat music in my MP-3 player and I move a bit faster, and sometimes even dance about. (upbeat music is very irritating when I am depressed but I do it anyway) I do not have rules like diets, I just changed the 2 things; not buying those two things has made a difference. No guilt, since no rules. Guilt kills self-esteem and promotes depression. I have slowly seen a change in my eating habits, portion sizes, and junk food purchases. My doctor wants me to loose 10 pounds a year, and no pressure. That really helps too, she accepts slow loss. And I always remember, you cannot lose weight if you do not eat. So even when I do not want to eat, I do.
Hi Julie. I just discovered your blog. I have a question; are you married or in a relationship? I am married to someone with bipolar and I have young children. I wake up each and everyday wondering “what will happen today.” I don’t know if I can do it much longer. I guess I’m looking for some sort of hope. Thanks, Marie
Hi Marie,
Here is a short answer. I will answer in more detail in the next newseltter.
1. Most people have trouble when one person has bipolar. Period. I know because I do a lot of coaching with partners. So you are not alone at all- what you experience is common.
2. Many are able to learn skills to help communication when the person is in a mood swing- I call my system the Bipolar Conversation. Remember, when your partner is in a mood swing, you are talking to the illness. You both have to learn to get past this.
3. I highly suggest you read Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping your partner. I wrote this with my colleague Dr. John Preston and it is guaranteed to help and give you skills to help communication – and to help you make a decision with what you can and can’t handle. My ex parnter Ivan and I were together for ten years – this book came from our experiences when he was in a massive manic/psychotic episode and in the hospital for two months. I was diagnosed a year later- so it has both perspectives! We are no longer together, but it was not due to bipolar and we are still in regular contact!
These are a few tips- I will go into detail in the newsletter. It will be out within the next week- so please check your email and spam.
Thanks for your question. Julie
PS: If you look to the right on the blog and scroll down- there is a category list and relationships is one of the topics.
I just received the following comment from Suzanne:
Hi Julie,
Like everyone here who has responded I’ve gained weight on my meds–50 lbs. in about 12 yrs. & now am on meds for high blood pressure & high cholesterol & am testing in the diabetic range (both parents were diabetic). I actually had a very bad relapse 3 yrs. ago (suicide attempt) when husband told me he no longer found me sexually attractive due to weight gain (well, duh, it was pretty obvious & since my self-esteem has pretty much always been in the gutter, that remark put me into the sewer system w/the rats). Have been in individual therapy & DBT since then & husband didn’t know my reaction would be so dramatic & self-destructive (as he is “normal”) & he has much remorse & is being very supportive & helpful in repairing our relationship (just celebrated 36 yrs. of marriage). Weight gain is a HUGE (bad pun) issue for us w/bipolar as we usually feel so badly about ourselves anyway. Would like to learn more about any method to help w/weight loss. Suzanne
Hi Suzanne,
I gained 80 pounds between 1995 and 1998 when I tried every bipolar medication on the market. It was ridiculous my doctors allowed this- I didn’t get any help at all. I started to see a naturopath and that helped me lose the weight that was not medication related. I have lost 50 pounds of the weight- but the last thirty must just like me a lot- or I must like it because I keep it around! Your best option is to manage bipolar absolutely as best you can so that you can take the lowest possible doses of your meds. That is one thing that helped me. Also, there are meds you can change to such as Abilify instead of Zyprexa that have less weight gain- I am not saying to do this as the drugs work differently= but you can look into it! Some people also try metformin- a medication for blood sugar, but I have no idea if it works for most- it may work for some. No matter how you feel, you must exercise- I have two friends who use long distance bike riding and swimming to feel better- it helps. You can exercise when you’re depressed, you just have to force yourself to do it.
Next, no junk food. Hard I know! This adds weight on top of medication weight. So what it comes down to is that we have to do all we can to make sure we don’t add any weight on top of the weight gain caused by bipolar disorder medications. This is my challenge and has been since 1998- I tend to fluctuate by my mood- I am rarely hungry when hypo manic and only want sugar when I’m depressed! I’m working on it and will never give up!
I am so glad your husband is being understanding, but I know we would react the same way if we stayed the same weight and our partner gained 50 + pounds- so we hav eto understand them as well!
It’s great the therapy and DBT (Dialectal Behavior Therapy) are working!
oh wow. Don’t you just love this illness. It is so great- it can actually cause you to wake up with three strikes against you before you get out of bed!
1. Crying as you get ready for your day.
2. Suicidal thought while driving to work.
3. Belief you will never be happy or that anyone will love you.
All by 8AM!
That is three strikes!
But- you don’t have to give in to them. Fight them- read books to counter act them (Get it Done When You’re Depressed is the one I use for this).
Your goal is to reverse the strikes minute by minute- hour by hour.
And make sure you wake up with no darn strikes tomorrow!
As you may have noticed, I have not been as active on the blog as I normally am. The reality is that I went through a period of quite serious illness where I spent all of my time getting better. I am better. And wow do I have a story to tell. I promise I will in the future. I know it will be the topic of my next article in BP Magazine– so make sure your subscription is up to date!
I have many blog questions to answer- and my goal for June is to get to all of them. I will point out the questions that are answered in my books- and personally answer those that bring up new topics. Of course, if you want to know my treatment philosophy- it is outlined in the Health Cards- You can read about the Health Cards at www.BipolarHappens.com – the system that regularly saves my life- as it did over the past few months! If you want to know how I manage to work even when I’m depressed- then Get it Done When You’re Depressed is the book for you. If you are in love with someone who has bipolar – in a romantic way- my book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is the best choice. And if you would like a basic book on the illness whether you are diagnosed with bipolar disorder or care about someone who has the diagnosis- Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder is the way to go.
And then there are all of the personal and fantastic questions I get here on the blog- I am going to get on it and get them answered soon, I promise! It’s my goal for June- becuase I am so thankful to be better and well enough to work. I want that for all of us. And I am so thankful to have family and friends who are there when I need them- and I want to answer their questions as well.
Julie i read a reader comment that you weren’t very successful with your programs because you still suffer with mood swings. this person obviously doesn’t understand the different severities of the disorder. If i get a week of stability I am grateful. The rest of the time I just work at what needs to be done. The good thing is I’m still alive even though I’ve tried very hard not to be. I feel you present a reality for most people and constant encouragement for me
** Hi Gail,
I understand how people could think it odd that I still need to do so much work on myself considering that I have written so many books on managing the illness. The reality of this illness is that it needs daily management for many people. I actually use my tips every day- especially those in Get it Done When You’re Depressed.
The Health Cards are my daily management tool- not an hour goes by that I don’t use some form of my work in order to keep my life stable. I am one of the unfortunate ones who often has 24 hour bipolar symptoms! I wish I could just get them to go away- but in reality, I can get them to calm down and fade into the back ground. That is always my goal. My book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder has helped me with all of my relationships- that’s for sure! It’s easy to overwhelm people when you have bipolar- so learning as many management tools as possible is essential.
I plan to write more books in the future as I learn more about how to manage the illness even more successfully. I am especially interested in how we can use the tips in The Health Cards to keep our relationships strong while we work and stay in school. That takes some skills- and I plan to work on and write about those skills as much as possible. I want us all to be happy and stable. That is my goal in life personally and professionally. If you have not tried the Health Cards, I recommend you check them out. I promise they will change your life for the better within the first weeks you learn to use them. We all want to be stable and it really does take a plan you can use every day. It does get easier as you practice- but there is a chance you will always need to use the skills.
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