Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Help from readers on mania question..

wow, the responses from all of you were amazing. Thank you. If you are reading the blog for the first time, I posted an email below where a person needs advice as she’s in a manic episode. My answer is below her email and if you look at the small comments button below the post, you can read the answers. Awesome support! Julie

Mania: all right everyone- we have a reader who needs our help.

Hi Julie

I am in a manic state right now and it feels so good after being severely depressed for over two years. At this time I am doing something that is both destructive and dishonest. I am “talking to/dating” four men at the same time (three of them have expressed their love and desire for long term relationships with me). While most of our recent interaction has been over the internet and telephone I have arranged visits with all of them. They are not strangers to me (I have known them all for many years) and I know this behavior and perhaps our friendships have got to stop. The problem is I don’t know how to tell these men that I can’t be involved with them anymore with out hurting them and making myself look absolutely foolish and of poor moral character (so far I have had sex with three of them). Two of the men are aware that I have bipolar illness but I don’t know if they know about the hypersexual behavior that can accompany mania. I know this behavior is wrong I just can’t seem to put an end to it. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.\

Thanks Manic,Hypersexual, and Ashamed

From Julie: First of all, there is no need at all to be ashamed. You’re manic and this is 100% manic behavior. I dated three men at once during a manic episode in Japan when I was 23 years old. It was a blast at the time- I didn’t know I had bipolar disorder. But wow, it was terrible when it ended. All of the relationships ended when I got depressed. That is the first thing I want to stress- manic episodes inevitably go into depression and waking out of the manic fog and seeing what has happened is devastating. Been there and done that for 20 years. I don’t do it anymore. It’s too destructive. I still get manic and have all of the sexual mess that goes with it- but I control it. You can do the same.

You are well enough and clear enough to write the blog- this means you know the mania is about to ruin a lot of things in your life. When you’re super manic, you aren’t asking for help from others who understand. Here is my advice- and it’s strong advice. Think of teh following:

1. If you try to be with three, it can’t survive. You will lose all of them eventualyl if you don’t take care of it now. Three men is not sustainable.

2. When you inevitably come down- not one of them will want to deal with it unless you explain what happened. I have had too many men who met me while manic and lived with me when I got depressed. That was not a fair deal for them!

3. Stop now. Literally stop. Call your doctor and say you’re manic. Get help and check your meds. Period.

4. Think about STD”s. ICKY ICKY ICKY STD’s! So say to yourself, “I’m manic and sex feels so good right now- but I don’t know what I’m doing and what may happen. I make a vow to say no to sex until I am stable.” Sounds impossible, but I’ve done it and let me tel you, it’s difficlut. But I saved my ffuture by doing it.

5. Remind yourself that you’re an attractive and wonderful woman which is why these men are so attracted to you. Why wouldn’t you be able to rationally date these men when you get better. Will they understand if you tell them the truth right now? The one that does is a good one as he will have to live with your bipolar. Might as well tell them the truth now and ask for their help. Let’s stop letting ourselves lure nice people into our manic web! 🙂

6. Everything looks good when you’re manic. Your attraction to the sex and these men can be all mania and not real. So, think of that now. What if you make some kind of decision now that is based off mania and not real attraction. Not good!

And finally, you are amazing. You wrote the blog. You have so much insight and can see what’s going on. GOOD FOR YOU. Many of us let it ride a long time and don’t do anything about it until we come down.

You are an inpiration. Look at the email you wrote and underline all of the stuff that is upsetting you and stop it. The people who care about you will 100% still be there. I always tell my friends I’m manic- then they can help me come down and stay out of trouble.

You are stong! There is no shame in having bipolar disorder. It’s an illness and you can 100% make the right decisions. I believe in you.

Ok readers. Any stories of manic episodes you got out of and saved a lot of pain. Advice? I know whatever you have to say will help! There is a comments button at the bottom of this post.

Julie

Mini Newsletter: Mania Story

I recently told the story on the blog about a person who goes to Walmart when she’s manic. The story definitely has a twist! A reader left a comment that said, “Is this real?”

Oh yes. Everyone with bipolar has mania stories- here is one- A woman is hypomanic but doesn’t realize it. She is just incredibly happy to finally feel better after weeks of depression. The mania feels so good! And she is still functioning, so she goes to Nordstrom to finally buy some winter shoes. She rarely shops as she is careful with her money. And shopping has less appeal when she’s depressed. So… Here is what happened:

Nordstrom sales person, ” Hello- What can I do for you today?”

Manic person: “I need to get some boots for the winter and a pair of shoes to wear on stage when I speak.”

This seems normal enough- but then a thought comes into the woman’s head. I need to buy the best and the best are the best looking and the most expensive. I want to show that I am the best and deserve the best. And I am going to wear these shoes for a long time!! I will look great! Look at all of these beautiful shoes.

After trying on about 15 pairs of shoes, the woman says, “I will take the black boots and the lace up black shoes. They are both really comfortable.”

Oh, it feels good and the shoes will look so great! The very patient Nordstrom sales person says, “Great!”

Total bill? Take a guess. If you have been manic, you will probably be closer than most.

$589 dollars.

Wooo. Sticker shock! Imagine how she felt when she came down from the mania a few days later. All of the justifications seemed pretty irrational. She took one pair back- the expensive pair and kept the boots.

Of course this story is about me!

Mania gets us all. This is why I am so incredibly vigilant about charting my moods and using my mania Health Card- but mania is so very, very sneaky. It feels so good you don’t want to deny it. But you have to or it will cost you a lot of money!

How is your mania treatment plan? Do you have a plan for the family or your partner if you love someone with the illness? As a health care professional, do you know the signs of each client’s mania? It can be hard because people who are manic can be so persuasive!

Julie

Mania and Walmart

Mania tells you that you can do anything, go anywhere, be anyone and that nothing bad will ever happen!

Here is a great story from a reader: This is how she handles her mania. She goes to Walmart with no money- credit cards etc, and then looks at the sales. She tries stuff on, gets stuff for the house and walks around the store as much as she wants. She compares prices and thinks of all the stuff she wants because she is hypomanic. And then, she pushes the cart to the side and walks out the door.

In laughed so hard when I heard this! No, it’s not fair to Walmart- but they will survive. It’s so much better than someone getting manic and buying all of that stuff and then having to return it. So both sides win out- in a twisted way.

It’s true that it’s often the shopping that mania wants you to do- not necessarily the buying. If your mania is mild and you can keep it to acting like you’re shopping and then walking away, that is a great tool.

I am not sure who sent me this story- so if you’re out there, let me know and I’ll give you credit!

Julie

comment on the latest comments….. new stuff going on…

Hi, if you go to the right of the blog, there is a box that says ‘recent comments.’ This is a great way to keep up with the latest blog posts and also answer questions from readers. People want to know what you think!

I try to answer as many as I can, but really appreciate reader input. Did you know we have over 20,000 readers a month on this blog! That means the readers have a wealth of information to share. So feel free to make comments!

I just sent out a newsletter special offer for my books. If you’re on the mailing list, you will receive it today. Please check your spam. I will write more on this later. I want to share my books- they save my life regularly. I wish I didn’t need so much help, but I do. It’s a reality for many of us. They help all of the people who care about someone with the illness as well.

My coaching business is very busy- my specialty is helping family members and partners who are in crisis. I work a lot with those who have a loved one who refuses help, goes off meds, gets psychotic and goes on the streets, can’t work, doesn’t have money, won’t listen…. and of course those who want to get better but can’t seem to find out how to do it. I love this coaching. There is a link to the right to read more.

And yes! A newsletter is ready and coming out on Thursday. I’ve had hundreds of nice emails asking when I would send one. It has been way too long! It’s on the holiday season (the challenges of the holiday season!) and goes hand in hand with the special offer.

How is your day? How is your mood? If you care about someone with bipolar- how are you doing yourself? There is help and there is hope. It can start with my books. Julie

You can get off the couch! I know you can!

Lyn just wrote a great comment about how the ideas in Get it Done When You’re Depressed can help you get off the couch (or out of bed) when you’re depressed. You can do it. Lisa offers some support.

Can you get up off the couch?

Yes you can. Here is a comment from Lyn:

Hi Julie,

Yesterday I was in a deep fog of depression and had your book out on the table. I reached over not expecting anything to really help, and the next chapter was called FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS. Seeing that saying it out loud is different than thinking it, I said it out loud, a few times, and each time I felt more focused! I ended up getting off the sofa and started to work on a sewing project I had out but had no energy or desire to work on. Thank you Julie.

Hi Lyn,

Thanks for your comments. I am always amazed to hear from others and see how we all go through the same things. Bipolar makes you feel you are the loneliest person on earth and that no one could possibly understand what you go through. Obviously that’s not true. We all have the same symptoms. Lynn, I am SO glad that Get it Done When You’re Depressed helped. I’ve had many people tell me they have the book by their bed. Believe it or not, I was at my favorite karaoke place a few months ago and a guy said to me when we met. “You’re Julie Fast? I have your book on my table at home. I always read it and show it to people!” That makes me feel great- what people may not know is that I use the stuff in Get it Done just as much as anyone. Focus, Focus, Focus is a good one- this week has definitely been one for- Put Yourself in a Place You Can Work. That helps a lot. My whole goal is to help people get things done despite having this illness. Getting off the sofa is a huge accomplishment- because I know that getting up can be so incredibly hard- but once we do it, things can only get better. You’re stronger than bipolar!

Never forget- couches are for sitting and beds are for sleeping. They are not for depression treatment. So, feel free to get off the couch, get out of bed and get going no matter how depressed you may be. It is possible.

Julie