Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Internet dating was one of the most stressful experiences of my life! In fact, it can be stressful for people without bipolar disorder! I stopped using the internet to date over a year ago. What a relief! I have to admit I did meet a lot of guy friends that way, but the other people I met… whew! A lot of trouble!

Maybe internet dating works for you- but if you find it making you obsessed and unhappy, there are many other ways to meet people that are less stressful.

I have friends who met on Match.com, etc- but they are pretty calm and could handle the constant email and constant judgment from strangers! Not me! I used to put up profiles when I got manic. Now I use my mania more wisely. ha ha.

Julie

PS: How about speed dating!

 Plans Can Change: We Can Deal with It.

I am very proud of myself…

It’s good to write that sentence! Going out on the weekends if very important to me. I plan carefully and always have something to do with friends. I really enjoy going out with my brother Ed. As many of you know, my brother is a great guy who causes me a lot of stress. I think I’ve dealt with it very well over the past year. Last night, there was a problem with his ID so he was not able to come into the bar where I was waiting. We were going to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay per view- so I got there early to get us seats. I always do that to save myself the stress of worrying where we will sit.  ( I get so tired of myself.)

I walked outside and he said that he couldn’t get in- I said, “Did you ask the bouncer?” He sarcastically said, “Of course I did!” So I turned around and went back inside to get my purse so that we could go to karaoke. My whole point of the evening was to be with him, so missing the UFC was not a big deal to me.

When I got back outside. He was gone. I looked for him up and down the street. I couldn’t imagine where he had gone. It was odd! Then I called him on his phone and he said, “I could tell you were disgusted with me by the expression on your face, so I left.”

Holy you know what! I have never had someone do that. Ever.  Even with a person you’re dating they will at least say- “I’m leaving!” He just left. Of course I know this has nothing to do with me. I am not someone to get angry and walk off and stay in a club and leave my brother outside. I really was just going to get my purse.
Then I felt the wave of depression drop over me. I thought, “He has done it again. Why do I let him upset me? Why does he always do this? What am I going to do now?”  And the bipolar started talking to me. You probably know what it says! And I started to cry a bit. That was a really rotten thing he did!

I had options- to go watch a basketball game with a friend- to go to karaoke, etc. But it all felt so depressing as I had the evening all planned out.

People with bipolar need a LOT of structure.

I have worked for many years on how to handle each situation- even when my plans turn upside down. So, I said to myself, “Julie, this is no big deal. Go back inside and stay there and let Ed be who he is. You are fine.” And that is what I did and I had a wonderful time! Just wonderful! I met people and actually got over some of my social awkwardness.

This would not have been possible in the past. I have learned to fight off the bipolar monster and it has changed my life for the better.

Believe it or not, for the first time that I can EVER remember, my brother came up to me today and said, “I would like to apologize for leaving last night. I think I was just projecting my mood on you. I know you would not walk back into the club and just leave me.”

Wow! All of us can change! And when the depression started today-  I just kept going and I feel fine again.

We can do it. No matter where you are starting from- if you make a plan now to get better, you can.

Julie

UPDATE: My brother is back on his meds and the difference is astounding.  Simply astonishing. He was off for six months- and finally realized he was hurting others and personally miserable.  I so very much admire him!

It’s often hard for people with bipolar disorder to know what is reasonable and what is unacceptable. If you’re born with a certain kind of brain- it makes you say and do things that are normal to you. For example, people with bipolar disorder get stressed a lot more easily than the general population. They get more angry- cry more- try to kill themselves more- and definitely get higher than anyone without the illness when it comes to mania.

But even though it is natural for us, it’s not ok and it’s certainly not a very productive way to live- but it’s what our brains do. So it makes sense that we will all have to learn what is reasonable and acceptable so that we can survive in the average world.

How can you stop behavior that is unacceptable and non productive?  I have found an answer that took me a long time to master, but I’ve kept at it for 10 years and it’s working.

Here are some tips:

1. I regularly examine how my behavior is affecting all of the people in my life. Do they want to be around me?

2. Do I have friends who actually think I’m a cool person?

3. Do people avoid me?

4. Am I able to listen to someone without talking about my troubles all of the time?

5. Do people feel comfortable enough to tell me they think I am in a moodswing?

Bipolar disorder is sneaky- you would think that the above would be rather easy- you simply have to look and listen to the people in your life and change your behavior, right?  Wrong- our brains are fighting reasonable self reflection.  Bipolar depression and bipolar mania lie to us and make it difficult to answer the above questions.  But it can be done! How would you answer the questions today? And if you love someone with bipolar disorder, how would they answer the questions?

Julie