Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

OCD: Dating and Bipolar……Brain… please leave me alone!

A note to my brain: Please leave me alone!

I recently found myself in a fun and interesting situation with a guy that was simply a mild flirtation. As you may know, I gave up dating almost exactly a year ago and I have not regretted it once. I have definitely felt a bit lonely, but it calmed my brain down so that I could work. My brain doesn’t handle flirting at all. Not even 1%. It starts to do strange things. It talks and talks and won’t stop. What it says is not real. It’s a lot of conjecture and fantasy. It’s chattering away every minute and it affects my ability to concentrate.

Sure, other people go through this. I’ve asked them what it’s like in their brains when it’s happening. They explain that they find themselves thinking about the person when they hardly know them and that sometimes they feel silly- and then I say, “Yes, that’s what I feel too- now multiply what you feel by 100% and you will know the hell my brain puts me through.”

I definitely want a relationship in the future, so I know that one day I will have to get through this. In the past, I always met people and went into relationships super fast. I will never do that again, so it means my brain is going to be a rollercoaster. I am preparing myself!

I’ve actually had experiences where my brain goes so much into overload that I feel like I’m living in a white haze. Whether it’s euphoric or dsyphoric, it’s awful.

It’s human to want companionship- but it’s also human to want fulfilling work. Right now I have to choose work. I’m able to do more these days than in my entire life. It’s because I follow my Health Cards program rigidly, especially my relationship card. I’m willing to give up the things that make me ill, no matter how wonderful they can be.

For today, I just want my brain to leave me alone so I can work.

Julie

Get it Done When You’re Depressed # 27

Focus, Focus, Focus.

I often space out and float around when things aren’t going well. I’ve learned a simple technique that works. I say, “Focus Julie. Just focus Julie. Focus now. What comes first? Focus Julie.”

This targets my jumbled brain. I can then actually look at something such as a pile of papers and say, “Focus Julie and pick the first step.” Saying this out loud especially helps. It’s better than the thoughts in my head that say I never get anything done!

Julie

Bipolar disorder and work: overwhelmed symptoms

Well, I feel worn out and yet I’m not tired! I have too much to do, but I actually have enough time to do it! I feel like I can’t find a good place to work, but when I sit down I work just fine.

I feel overwhelmed! Now I have to get really honest with myself. Do I have the time to do my work? Yes. Can I find a place to get my work done effectively? This is the tough question because I’m in one of those moods where every location is a problem. I feel restless and the people around me are getting on my nerves. I do know where I can go to work though, and I’m going there now!

I’m simply having a typical bipolar symptoms that happen to a lot of us when we have a lot of requirements, expectations and deadlines. I have to override my brain right now. My roommate is in a talent show tonight and I said I would drive her. This means I have to get there early. I worry that I won’t get my work done because I need that extra time- even though I know I wouldn’t use that time to work anyway!

I am crying a bit and feel very anxious, but that doesn’t mean I can’t work. I can! and I will!

Julie

PS: I can hear my roommate practicing for the talent show tonight. She playing Sweet Georgia Brown on the accordion- and she’s singing it in pig Latin. I will probably feel a lot better after I see that!!

We Dont Feel Motivation- We Create Motivation

I just did an interview with a writer from Self Magazine on the topic of the January blues. She asked some excellent questions- and one of my ideas that she really liked was the concept that we can’t WAIT to want to do something- we have to just do something. That’s my first strategy in Get it Done When You’re Depressed. Depression never wants to do anything! I can sit until I’m frozen solid before I’ll want to get out and get on with my life if I’m depressed.

I think- where’s my motivation? Well, depression is eating it like candy! I want to be motivated, so I create it using the stuff I talk about in my books:

Set up a time to work with a friend- tomorrow I will meet my friend Karen to work together from 1-4PM. I will work on my book that’s due and she is going to work on her novel. Just having her there means I will stay and actually work.

This is just one idea I use to create motivation. I always feel better after I do something- even if it took me hours to get out the door!

Julie

Hmmm… a lack of words

For those of you who read my blog regularly, you know that having nothing to say is a rarity for me. I write to feel better- so not having something to write today is a great, great thing! I’m off to watch the debate with friends. I went to the coast of Washington last night to give a speech for a great NAMI group. I had a truly wonderful time. I got home and am not depressed- and maybe this time I WILL stay stable for the rest of the week.

I am getting better. It’s finally happening. I want to offer hope if you’re reading this at a tough time. It has taken me a long time just to get to a place where I am focusing on my day and not on what my mind is saying. I once did this for 33 days in a row and I want to get there again. Not too long ago I had 8 days without a mood swing. I take what I can get!

I am progressively getting better as I remove the things from my life that make me ill. It’s a trade off that’s tough but it’s working.

Julie

Reader Question: Lamictal doses

Hi Julie,

You’ve mentioned taking Lamictal at 500mg a day a couple of times in your blog. Recently my psychiatrist has increase my dosage of Lamictal from 200mg to 300 mg and lately 400mg.The depression and anxiety are still taking a toll. I was wondering what type of relief you get from your dosage of Lamictal.

Does it take away the depression and anxiety or does it just keep it at a manageable level? I’ve been on the 400mg for a week now and the depression and anxiety are worse than ever. I’m facing going out on disability for awhile and I’m hoping its only going to be a couple weeks until we can get this under control with the new medication levels.

Thanks for your time.

Hi R., Here is some good news! – You haven’t been on the new dose of Lamictal nearly long enough to get full relief from your symptoms. It took me three months to see a lot of changes and it has gotten much better over the years. A friend of mine has a psychiatrist who says that Lamictal actually works better and better for years after the first dose. There is no question that 3 ½ years into my treatment the Lamictal is going strong. You have to give this time.

The dose is also all over the charts for people- I have friends who take less than 100mg and as you know, I’m at 500mg. I’m glad your doctor is working with you on this. Regarding symptom relief, when combined with my Health Cards, Lamictal reduces my depression, anxiety, psychosis, OCD and rapid cycling significantly.

Meds take time to work. Now is the time to focus 100% on treatments you can do on your own. Get it Done When You’re Depressed can help a lot as it’s all about doing things when you don’t feel you can do things. The whole goal is to have your personal treatments meet your medication treatments to create stability. It is 100% possible to do this. I’m proof. My depression is still quite bad, but I’ve learned to live life to the best of my ability. Life gets better every day and it can be the same for you.

Julie