Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder and hope

I have a new plan when I wake up in the morning.

I often wake up depressed, so these days I say to myself:

What do I want to accomplish today? (Work on my book proposal)

What do I need to do to reach that goal? (Go to the library and work on it!)

What is my financial goal today? (To use cash only and not eat out for lunch)

Why am I doing all of this? (Because 2009 is my year to improve my health and wealth!)

This really gives me a perspective on the day and most importantly- I see that the reason I need to work hard today is so I can have the life I want in the coming years. This helps the depression a lot!

Julie

Bipolar Disorder and Honest Relationships

Being honest with the people in your life is very, very hard. I’ve found myself staying in friendships and listening to things I don’t like or don’t agree with just to be a good friend who listens and accepts the other person. This is something that is preached to us a lot- we need to be rational and non judgmental. And yet, there are things people do that I don’t like, but to be totally honest, I’m scared to tell the truth as I fear the relationship will end. I fear that I will come across as non understanding and needy.

I then try to be a good friend by saying to myself- it’s her life- it’s his choice. It has nothing to do with me.

And finally, as a result of this dishonest ‘understanding’ on my part, my upset with the other person’s behavior festers and then comes out in one big scream on my part. I’ve done it over and over again. I’m too understanding of the other person and not understanding of the fact that it’s ok to be honest in a relationship.

It’s ok to say, I care about you, but I don’t like what you’re doing. If the friendship is a good one, it will survive. If it doesn’t – things can end gracefully before you blow up and really feel terrible.

This is advice to myself.

Julie

Bipolar disorder and anger/aggression/irritation

– I don’t want to be a raging lunatic on the phone like I was on a call to my bank! I just lost it. I had one of those days where my physical reaction to things was way off. I can tell when it’s meds. It’s different from being angry- this is out of control I want to thrown my phone through the widow anger. I made sure I didn’t take it out on others too badly- I have learned to control myself. But it’s hard.

There are so many meds that can cause this kind of anger and aggression. You know it’s the illness or the meds when it literally comes out of nowhere- it’s not a normal part of your personality- you watch yourself and think what in the heck is going on with me- and your behaviors are odd such as cussing as loudly as possible for longer than normal!

I woke up fine today. This kind of aggression gets people in jail. I’ve seen it too many times.

It’s important to learn the first signs that you’re getting in a rage and then remove yourself from the situation even if for a few minutes. This has to be done right at the beginning, but you can often realize what is going on in the middle of a rage. This is when you stop- apologize to whomever you yelled at – and focus on managing the illness.

Is is your meds? Is it a relationship? Lack of sleep? Etc.

This is how I keep from throwing a phone through my window even though it seemed like it would make feel better at the time.

Julie

PS: Antidepressants are notorious for causing irritation and anger- if you just started a med and you are suddenly more angry than normal- talk with your HCP.

Reader Comment: Risperdal (Respiridone) and Cognitive Fuzziness!

Here is a letter from V. about her son and Invega- also previosly known as extended release Risperdal.

Julie,

My son has been treated for bi-polar with a mix of medications which includes Invega. This is a newer version of risperdal which is supposed to have fewer side effects. I think my son is suffering from reduced cognitive functioning, like he is in a fog. It is hard to tell because he definitely had a real drop in IQ testing (about 20 points) which the doctors thought were due to his anxiety and depression at the time of the testing, but I think it might be the meds too.

He seems “dumber” than ever and complains about it. He used to be very sharp, although he had other emotional problems which are better controlled now. Do you have any experience with invega or has anyone heard of this? He also seems to have significantly thinning hair and I suspect the 2000 mg of depakote he takes. Any ideas?

Hi V,

First of all, I am not a doctor! I always say that because I truly believe a medications specialist is our best friend in managing this illness.

To answer your question, there is no doubt that Risperdal (Risperidone) can cause fuzziness! All anti psychotics are known for this, though Abilify is supposed to have less. A friend of mine is on Zyprexa and always says it dulls her. And yet it keeps her out of the hospital and able to work part time! There is a side effect called anhedonia that is described a lack of feeling- the official definition is without emotion. I definitely get it when my meds are off. It can definitely come with depression as well. There are quite a few meds that can cause thinning hair and some cause hair to fall out in clumps. Remember, bipolar meds are chemo therapy!

Having said this, it’s wonderful that his emotions are more under control. They can cause more trouble than being dull from medications. Anxiety and depression cause memory and focus problems- they can also make you feel emotionally dull, but the ‘dumb’ feeling sounds like meds.

I suggest you talk with the medications doctor and explain that you know the meds are helping and that it’s great for your son, but he feels dulled intellectually. At least it will start a discussion. It’s important that your son knows that what he’s going through may be a normal side effect of the meds and it’s not permanent. Once he is more stable, it may be he can reduce meds with the help of his HCP. Treatment of the illness comes first- when it is more managed- it’s a good time to work on side effects. It’s a trade off!

Say hi to your son for me. It’s great that he takes his meds!

Julie

Bipolar Disorder Depression and Worries

Yesterday was a tough day…

And I woke up with IT again this morning. I call depression IT because I want to remind myself that IT is not me! The language of depression is so predictable- how does it know where to hurt me the most! I was pretty sick yesterday, but I kept going as I always do. It was hard to work and I know my mom was worried about me. I managed to feel better by the time I went to sleep. Bipolar disorder can be such a vicious illness simply because it causes you to examine all that is going WRONG in your life over and over again.

When I woke up too early this morning, my brain did a cascade of thoughts regarding the two people in my life who are causing me stress. It just wouldn’t stop on its own, so I made it stop. Yes, I am having trouble with these people- one is my brother- but the trouble is really not on my side. They are having trouble in their lives and I feel left out. My friend John D. and I went to happy hour the other night and talked about how hard it is to really, really find the feelings behind thoughts and actions. My feelings around these two people are real- bipolar makes me obsess and over think the situation. I don’t have to listen. They are unhappy- I am not sure how I fit into that! I feel excluded because I see them making time for other people. That is their choice and to be honest, I’m not sure they realize what they are doing. It’s up to me to decide what to do from my side of things. I can’t let depression make decisions for me. Ever.

julie

bipolarhappens.com blog

wow, I want to do a short entry today as I’ve been doing monster long entries! A newletter is coming soon with a lot of info about meds. Things are going well here finally! I am back to work like a normal person. I sure went through a terrible time, but all that matters is what happens now. I can’t look back too much as those mood swings are so scary! I always make it through. We can all make it through the bad ones!

I am glad I figured out it was a medication problem and took care of it in a few days.

If you’re new to this blog- maybe you came from the amazon.com link- you can read all about my January mood swing in the posts below!

Julie

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