Here is a great comment regarding my post about relationship confidence- it’s so inspiring, I thought it would be a great post that people could read when they wake up tomorrow morning!
Hi Julie,
I know exactly what you’re talking about!
And I also knew, that living in a new city, I was never going to get out of the depression I’m still recovering from if I didn’t start developing relationships with people here.
I made a commitment that this semester I’d make a concerted effort. So I’ve been forcing myself to act as if people have every reason in the world to want to hang out with me, work with me, etc., and am getting very positive responses. I’ve even started joining meetup groups and getting together with people I don’t know at all. I think I might finally be getting close to the point in recovery where I can also start to reach for relationships with specific people I think highly of (in the “better than me” category), and might want to work with, etc. It’s a process…
Man, nothing has taught me how to “fake it til you make it” like this illness… Sometimes I wish I could put on my resume: SURVIVED MANIC DEPRESSION! That ought to get an awful lot of points for strength of character! Phew.
I’m amazed at how my lack of confidence in myself often gets in the way of new relationships.
If you don’t believe you’re good enough for someone, you will do everything possible to make sure you don’t get rejected by doing the following:
1. Never contacting the person even when they show signs of wanting to meet with you.
2. Stay with someone who is not right for you simply because it’s comfortable and the person won’t reject you.
3. Never ask a person to join you in a business deal because you are sure they would say no anyway!
Yes, the list is endless and I have to admit I have done a few of the above myself. I’m working on it. I have an exceptional business coach. She introduced me to one of her clients because she thought we would hit it off. I had lunch with her client and it was great. Here is the problem. This person has a far more glamorous life than many people. She travels a lot and does many exciting things! I thought to myself- she won’t want to hang out with me! So I didn’t call or ask her to meet again. Stupid! She is just a person! When I finally did call, she said, “Julie! I was hoping to hear from you. I wasn’t sure what happened.”
Lack of confidence. If I’m scared I will get a no in terms of new relationships. I promise myself I will double my efforts to at least contact the person to say hi. It builds character and boosts my relationship confidence every day! And here’s what’s funny- when I tell people about my lack of confidence they look at me like I’m crazy and say- but I felt that about you when I met you- I was scared to call you! We are weird creatures.
This is a great comment about work, so I have to put it here. It’s inspirational to see that we all go through similar things- that’s because it’s an illness!
Hi Julie,
I can relate about work. I am a writer in a high-pressure full-time journalism job. I live with bpII with features of ADD and OCD. (Meds are Depakote and Strattera, with the possibility to soon add an anti-depressant, probably Prozac.) What I struggle with most along intellectual/spiritual lines is the fact that I seem to present myself many times as a person with dual and opposing facets. I am an intense, driven and proven successful person in my field with the penchant to pore over projects, revise, and not let go of them until deadline time is upon me, in a quest for full accuracy and near-perfection. Some would see me as “having it all together.” However, I’m also the person who has a hard time finishing those projects and who procrastinates to the Nth degree, even on exciting, desired projects. Some would see me as one who “can’t get it together.” It depends on when they are observing or interacting with me.
I really struggle with the duality of this illness. Spiritually, I struggle with the (false, in my faith walk) belief that I am “too broken” for God. I often feel my well self is “good” while my ill self is “bad.” This stems, I think, from me judging myself not on who I am or Whose I am (God’s), but instead on what I _do_ at any given moment. I don’t believe in my head that I am “too broken,” but my heart struggles with it every day.
Hi,
Thanks for this wonderful comment. Yes, we can struggle every day- that is for sure. But what matters is that we keep doing all we can to lessen the struggle until it’s only a few days a week, then a few weeks a month and possibly even just a few months a year! I am on the few days a week phase, but I always hope !:)
My book Get it Done When You’re Depressed helps a lot with work related procrastination and ADHD.
I flounder without a very rigid schedule. If I have too much free time, the thoughts take over and life can get pretty miserable. When I’m well, I don’t have to worry about this, but as I deal with depression pretty regularly, I realize that being scheduled is a lot better than the ‘let’s see what happens’ mentality.
Those on disability or those who can’t work much still need set schedules in order to stay happy and stable. My dear friend Sherri and I talk about this all of the time. Since her manic episode in 2007, she has not been able to work like she used to- and yet she still needs to work intellectually! It’s a rotten situation to be in. So we talk a lot about her schedule and what she can do on the days she doesn’t work. You can only meet so many friends and go to so many coffee shops. She already has a masters’ degree and unless she takes PhD courses, university classes are often not challenging enough.
Her current dose of Zyprexa also causes cognitive problems and physical slowness- when you’re super smart as Sherri is- it’s frustrating because you can see what the illness does to you- She will go down on the Zyprexa in a few weeks- it was raised when she tried a night job. She now knows she can’t work late at night. Last week, we sat down and created a list of what she can do on the three days she doesn’t work. It was a good list and she can now create a schedule around the list! This is how I have to do it as I work on my own.
Wow, those of us with bipolar disorder are amazing people considering what we have to go through. Sherri is my hero. I know I say that a lot. She has Bipolar I which is hard to deal with.
Julie
PS: Sherri is going to answer questions on this blog- so feel free to write and ask her some good ones!
I always find weekends difficult when I’m depressed- so I make sure I always have something to do on a Friday and Saturday night. As many of you know, I’ve decided to remain single for the rest of 2009, so I spend a lot of time with friends. When I’m well, I can do things on the spur of the moment- but I know myself too well, so I plan very carefully for the weekend nights. Otherwise, my plan to stay single gets a little lonely!
Do you have trouble on the weekends? It’s probably a cultural thing!
I was quite ill in January. I just had three days of major mood swings last weekend.
Today I am fine.
It’s so important to remember that bipolar disorder is an episodic illness. It literally can come and go. I feel like I have to do my best work between the mood swings!
Hang in there if you’re sick today- when you use a treatment plan that works- and when you work on your triggers, you can definitely get better.
Sometimes there are no triggers and the illness just shows up and stays too long. That can get better as well.
It’s up and down with bipolar, but there can also be long periods where it is just in the middle and you can get on in life.
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