Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

This post actually follows a thread I started about four entries ago….  

Surviving a Terrible Down Swing

I got very hypomanic yesterday. I wrote about it earlier and wrote a newsletter about it.  Of course, it’s very easy to write when you’re hypomanic. But when it was going on, I could tell it was going to spin out of control. I managed to stay well enough not to do something stupid.

The problem is what I’m going through now. I woke up in a terrible downswing. Just terrible. Crying with suicidal thoughts. Just awful. I feel sorry for myself!  Then my good friend Karen had to cancel our evening plans. I always feel better when I go out with Karen, so this was a blow. I just cried and cried. The tears come so easily when you’re suicidal. I started talking myself out of this downswing. I thought of what I said in Get it Done When You’re Depressed and then took action.

I called my dear friend John and asked him to meet me for happy hour. He was available. He’s compassionate, but very realistic when I get sick. I’ve taught him to remind me it’s an illness. I can’t wallow in the depression.

I called my friend Sherri who has Bipolar I. She’s not doing well today either. So I reminded her IT’S BIPOLAR. We have to remember that. I saw her the day before and we weren’t depressed. It’s an illness. It’s a mood swing and not real.

And then I called my mom and said, “Let’s go to a movie.” I will be happy to spend time with my mom.
Action is what matters when you’re super depressed. Action takes care of the depression if only for a few hours- and during those few hours you can do more things to make you feel better.

I am feeling better- it took about 10 hours. I always want to go to bed feeling better than when I woke up.

Julie

PS: I did feel a lot better by the time I went to bed. It’s so important to have friends you can call. I started over with friends when I moved to Portland, Oregon in 2002- and now have many. It was hard work to become a good friend! If you click on the relationship tab on the right under subjects, I talk more about making friends.

Bipolar Mania

Oh man, I had a terrible up swing yesterday! The problem with mania- well, there are so many problems with mania it would take a year to write them all down. The problem is that there are so many forms and they are all so sneaky. I’m an expert on mania treatment now- I have done everything possible to notice the signs of mania and get the mania to stop. And it still sneaks up on me.

I had a strong hypomanic episode yesterday. It started out fun and then felt like I was on a way too fast merry go round. I could feel my brain warping. I got so excited about my work I was giddy. It was a bit scary. I actually couldn’t tell if I truly was excited or if it was a mood swing. Looking back, it was 100% mania. People don’t go that wild when things go well. I didn’t do anything stupid. I wrote all about it in a newsletter you will get soon if you’re on the mailing list.

I tried so hard to keep it under control. I haven’t been that manic in a few years. Awful. But I made it through.
If you click on the mania subject tab to the right, you can read all of my mania entries- there are some great blogs on the difference between mania and hypomania- the two types of bipolar, medications and mania, etc. etc.

Mania is often more dangerous than depression because it’s so hard to spot and then hard to treat. I have learned to do it. We all have to learn to recognize and treat mania. I talk about it in all of my books- a lot. I use the Health Cards to treat it. I am thankful I have found a way to stop it before it goes too far.

Julie

I have friend who ask me, “What does it mean when you say you’re sick?”

Here’s an example of what I mean: I took on a great job writing an article for healthlyplace.com where I wrote the main mood disorder articles for the site around two years ago.

It is a very realistic assigment for me and is well compensated. I have all of the skills to do it and a great reference in my coauthor Dr. John Preston. I also have plenty of time to write the article. And yet, I started to get ill the day I started the project.

How do I know this is illness? Here is what happened.

1. Overwhelmed and consumed with jealousy when I saw strangers at a coffee shop who looked cooler and happier than I am.
2. I feel like my life is missing something that others have and that I want and need more to life. My brain tells me that I live a small life and spend too much time alone.
3. I wake up too early and have trouble getting back to sleep.
4. If I go out at night to someplace stimulating, I will hear conversations and music in my head all night and the next day.
I get waves of anxiety.

Bla. I could go on here!

And how do I know it’s the pressure of the article? I haven’t gone through this in a while and it started the day of the job. It’s so frustrating. But the article got done- the final draft goes in tonight. Unfair, ridiculous, awful and UNFAIR! But as my editor at BP Magazine told me, “Get over it Julie and just keep writing.”

And that is what I did. I bet the symptoms calm down tomorrow.

 Nothing will ever stop me from getting my work done- The timing may change, but the project will always get done!
Julie