Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

No Drama Bipolar Lifestyle

One Bipolar Drama After Another!

I used to have a lot of drama in my life. Much of it was due to my own choices, some of it was due to bipolar disorder causing me to make stupid choices, such as when I get manic.

I have changed completely in the past few years. I’m no longer willing to make decisions and then just hope they turn out ok.

I get too sick when I do this. I have goals in life that I want to reach- speaking to large groups on mental health, reducing the suicide rate in this country, financial stability, physical health, a great romantic relationship- big stuff for sure!

The only way I can accomplish my goals is to examine every potential decision for disaster (drama!) from sending an angry email to saying yes to a request when I definitely need to say no. I’ve learned to ask myself the following questions:

– Will it make me sick?
– Has it made me sick in the past?
– Am I manic?
– Is depression clouding my judgment?
– How will my decision make me feel tomorrow, next week and into the future?

I also have a lot of people in my life who will ask the questions for me and really make me mad! But I need their judgment in case I’m making a decision when I’m sick.

I got well enough to really examine my life by using my Health Cards Treatment Plan- I kept seeing the same mistakes over and over again. When you see them in writing it really helps you make changes!

This is still a constant exercise- I’ve learned to slow down a bit. I’m at over 75% success right now in my decision making. Considering that I used to do everything blindly, this is pretty good!

I have almost no drama in my life these days.

Julie
PS: If you look to the upper right of this blog- you will see a graphic with a CD and my books. This link takes you to the Health Cards page to read more about the system.

Sunday night- finally feeling more stable….

I went to the wedding of an old flame of mine yesterday. Believe me- seeing someone get married is a wonderful thing- but it can be a rather depressing thing when you’re already depressed- and you’re seeing an ex look so happy! (Depression makes a person very selfish! )

My downswing from last Thursday has continued off and on. The secret is to keep doing exactly what you would do if you were NOT depressed. That is what keeps me going. I drove to Seattle from Portland- met a dear friend and went with her to the wedding. My mom came with me on the trip- so that was nice. And all the time- I was sad and depressed on the inside – and trying hard to be normal on the outside. I did a really good job which means that I actually did have a lot of good times on the trip!

It is possible to over ride depression and have a good time for at least a few hours. When it comes back- you have to remind yourself it’s an illness. There is a kind of sadness that you feel when someone you love moves on- and then there is depression – they are very different. Sadness is real- it has a cause- it has feelings related to the situation- it’s normal.

Depression is unrealistic- it blows the situation out of proportion- it lies! I can deal with sadness and examine my feelings as they are real- but I must always say no to depression.

It’s Sunday night and I feel the best I have felt since getting so sick on Thursday. It’s possible to deal with depression – it just takes time and a plan. I plan to have a good day tomorrow.

I hope that your mood swings are in control- and I hope that if you love someone with this illness – you can learn from my story that it’s very treatable!

Julie

Just Out of the Hospital? Bipolar disorder and tiredness

I wrote earlier that I had a horrific downswing yesterday – it was awful! I woke up fine this morning. This is just further proof that this illness can be so random and chemical. If you or someone you care about has just come home from the hosptial- it’s important to remember that the body gets very, very worn out after bad episodes. Our bodies go through extreme physical shock during serious mood swings- especially with a full blown manic episode. It’s as though we have run a marathon- our bodies give out eventually.

I remember when my former partner Ivan was in the hospital. I went to see him every day- and he was just so tired a lot of the time. He was in restraints for over two months. If the staff took off the restraints he got very agitated. His strength was unbelieveable. He’s such a mild manered guy. All of this was a terrible experience as no one really explained what was going on.

When he came home- he was just literally worn out. We all thought he should go back to work! Get his act together!I am appalled now that I thought that way. This is before I knew I had the illness

A thank you from Julie

I got very, very sick today. I would say the depression was a 9 out of 10. Hospital style depression. It’s now 9PM and I have it down to a 4. I worked hard for that 4! I did a lot today to take care of myself and will write more about that later.

Before I go to sleep and sleep off the rest of this terrible mood swing- I want to say thank you for the amazing comments of support I get from all of you. You know how it is when you get really sick- you just get so worn out. I cried off and on all day and I’m now physically tired….. bla! My mom and friends helped a lot- I am glad I was able to get on with my day as best I could. The odd thing is that there was no obvious trigger. It was what my coauthor John calls a rogue wave downswing.

I got home and saw the comments on the blog- and just felt so much better. This is not an illness that does well in isolation or with silence. We deifnitely need to talk with each other and those who care about it!

It just hit me out of nowhere today! I am glad the day is almost done and I can have a wonderful day tomorrow. I did manage to do fun things today and that helped a lot.

So, once again. Thank you so very much for your kind comments! Julie

Bipolar depression: it IS unfair!

I struggle with the word ‘unfair.’ Some of my friends suggest that I shouldn’t use the word as it’s pointless to all this illness unfair. Other say- oh yes Julie- use the word unfair because it is unfair that people with bipolar disorder and those who love us have to struggle so much!

I am going to use the word UNFAIR today! I was fine for three days. Normal- with normal thoughts and behaviors. Then I woke up with IT. Nothing changed in the past few days- but IT is here. Ok. I can hear what my brain is saying- what is the point of work? It’s just a bunch of writing and email and getting nowhere!

What is the point of anything really- you’re not very happy and your life is pretty boring.

I could go on! I am sure you can add plenty to this list.

I can’t and won’t listen. It’s an illness. So I’m doing my ‘pointless’ email and writing my ‘pointless’ books – and I have to know and believe that of course it’s not pointless. It wasn’t pointless yesterday- and will probably be fine tomorrow. My goal today is to just keep going until it goes away! It’s an illness.

Bipolar Disorder and Travel

Why is it so hard to just do a one hour presentation?

I am going to the Oregon coast tomorrow to talk with law enforcement agents about bipolar disorder. I have always wanted to do this- so it should be exciting right? Well, if you have bipolar disorder you know that the one hour presentation is not the problem- it’s the stress of thinking about all of the planning that has to go into it! I have to meet a friend who is driving me to the coast. This means I have to get there at a specific time. What if I can’t sleep? In fact, I know I will not be able to get to sleep on my own. When should I take my Ativan? Will I get enough sleep as I tend to wake up too early when I travel.

Where are my books? Do I have copies in my car? No. That means I have to go to my book distributer and get a few. Do I have postcards that advertise my books? Yes. They go in my car.

I have my friend’s address. I have to write it down so that I can use my GPS to get there. Will we make it to the coast on time? Of course we will- but my mind still worries about it! We are meeting a wonderful friend for dinner. But what time will we get back? I will miss so much work time! (Of course I would not be working at dinner time anyway!)

OMG! Is this ridiculous or what? ! I will love giving the presentation – I always do. The police were extremely important in helping me get my partner Ivan into the hospital in 1994. It will be a pleasure and honor to speak to them and help them understand this illness more.

I will be fine- but it always amazes me how travel does this to those of us with bipolar. So if you care about someone with this illness- you now know that we are not weird- it happens to the best of us!
I have a plan to take care of all of this and will keep you posted on the people I meet!

Julie