Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Reader Comment: My son won’t get help

I just received the following comment from Judi. Believe me, I understand her worries and frustrations, as I am sure many of you do as well.

Hi Julie,

I find it very hard to tell my son that I can’t take the mood swings that go with him. He has been unstable for years. Right now I am the only person he can talk to. If I turn my back on him now I’m sure he will commit suicide. There seems to be no way out for me. He needs to be hospitalized but that will NEVER happen. He told me that if I call 911 he will either kill himself or the person that shows up at his door. LOST

Judi

Hello Judi, ( I posted your comment on the blog as well- it’s such an important topic.)

It’s quite a coincidence I received your comment this morning. I recently wrote down a quote I heard from a football coach regarding a player he let go:

I don’t want to take on the headache that goes with you.

Then I thought of how I would put it:

I don’t want to take on the mood swing that goes with you.

** Here is the problem- when it’s a family member who is truly in crisis, the way you describe your son- we can’t say we are done and just move on. We know the consequences. It’s a very heavy, heavy burden. My books don’t address this situation directly- they are for management and tips on how to recognize the signs of bipolar disorder. Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder does address the topic in one chapter. The book will help right now to at least help you understand how to talk with him when he’s in a mood swing. This area is where I do most of my coaching. If you want to talk about your situation and your son- feel free to go to my coaching page- for now, this is the best way I can help and it’s immediate and so helpful to talk to someone.

http://www.juliefast.com/family-coaching

We can at least talk about a few ways you can help your situation in the moment. There are so many books I want to write- and one of them is for those who love someone who can’t or won’t get help. Often the person is financially and emotionally supporting the child and is simply worn out.

I do have ideas we can discuss that I know have worked for others. Readers- do you have advice for Judi?

Julie

Reader Question: Bipolar disorder and Meditation

Julie,

Was there a particular book or video or teacher of meditation you used to learn this? Do you sit on the floor?
In your bedroom or somewhere else? I’ve done a lot of yoga but never meditation. Could be a good idea for me
as a nightly routine. Thanks, Sarah
Hello to Everyone,

Any ideas for Sarah? Books, CDs. MP3s and Videos are good.

Here are some from my friend Rebecca.

Kathy Freston

Perfect Weight by Kathy Freston (Audio CD – Mar. 3, 2003)

Abundance by Kathy Freston (MP3 Download – May 25, 2007)

Download MP3 Album: $8.99

These are on specific topics, but they are good.

Julie

Manic Depression rapid cycling: What can one do?

Manic depression is such an old term. I like to use it once in awhile. It’s certainly descripitve! Now, on with the blog!

I ask myself this question a lot- so I will ask it to you. What can you do if your bipolar simply won’t stop affecting your life? I know that I do every single thing I write about in my books and have changed my life 100%. And yet there is still a problem. Bipolar disorder can be managed, but it doesn’t go away.

This sucks- pardon my French.

I no longer struggle with the ‘why me’ of having this illness. What I struggle with is working so hard every minute of the day and still being sick off and on. I do know that I would be in and out of the hospital without my plan. And I know I would not be able to do the work I love so much and have friends and family all around me who want to support my wellness. I would not be able to travel and write books and…..

But it sure does take a lot of time to manage the constant mood swings. I am not going to stop trying- but I am going to continually search for what I can do to move to the next step. I use the Health Cards and my other book ideas all day and every day- they have given me a great life in many ways. I now ask myself what I can do next. I’m thinking about it.

And you? Julie

My brother Ed

My brother Ed- it's an interesting relationship.

Sometimes you have to walk away from a family member and create a new relationship that works for you – in terms of bipolar disorder. I love my brother- just as you probably love your family members even when they drive you bonkers. But, and this is a big one- you can’t always have the kind of relationship you want and need with someone just because they are a part of your family.

I know what I want from my brother- and after a lifetime of being together, you think I would know what he can and wants to give. I have to change and I’m trying. He is who he is. I found a journal from 1994 the other night and opened to a page randomly. And believe it or not, I found a paragraph with the 100% exact wording I had just used in my 2010 journal regarding my relationship with my brother. It was depressing and eye opening that I have waited so long to see the reality. People are who they are. He loves me. I never doubt that. That is my focus. I am the one who decides what I need and then have to go from there. I can’t drag someone along with me just because I need something different than they want to give.

Does this make sense?

Yes, I know- he’s super handsome- and he’s fun and a great singer too.

Julie

People you love who cause you trouble… BP trouble…

I am a huge fan of sports radio- actually, watching sports keeps me going on tough days. That is why I always remind myself to think like an athlete and just plow through the rough times work wise.

This morning- I heard an interview with a financial advisor who works with the world’s top athletes- the radio host asked him if he had ever fired a client. He said, “Yes. I simply told the guy – I don’t want to take on the headache that goes with working with you.”

This got me to thinking. Those of us with bipolar- and possibly those of us who love someone with the illness and don’t like the way they are treating us can have the same motto:

“I don’t want to take on the mood swings that go with being around you. ”

That is the ultimate definition of a trigger- if something or someone makes you ill- on either side of the illness, it’s your right to simply say NO MORE.

Julie

Question: My husband isn’t getting help. Do I stay or do I go?

Hi Julie. I just discovered your blog. I have a question; are you married or in a relationship? I am married to someone with bipolar and I have young children. I wake up each and every day wondering “what will happen today.” I don’t know if I can do it much longer. I guess I’m looking for some sort of hope. Thanks, Marie

Hi Marie,

Here is a short answer: (Well, it started short and then became long!)

1. Most people have trouble when one person has bipolar. Period. I know because I do a lot of coaching with partners.

2. Many are able to learn skills to help communication when the person is in a mood swing- I call my system the Bipolar Conversation. Remember, when your partner is in a mood swing, you are talking to the illness. You both have to learn to get past this.

3. I highly suggest you read Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping your partner. I wrote this with my colleague Dr. John Preston and it is guaranteed to help and give you skills to help communication – and to help you make a decision with what you can and can’t handle. My ex partner Ivan and I were together for ten years – this book came from our experiences when he was in a massive manic/psychotic episode and in the hospital for two months. I was diagnosed a year later- so it has both perspectives! We are no longer together, but it was not due to bipolar and we are still in regular contact!

4. And finally- it’s up to you. What is best for you and your child? When is love not enough? I say it’s when the person with bipolar disorder hurts continually us more than loves and cherishes us- but that is so very complicated isn’t it! I believe that if the person with bipolar is trying hard- taking meds or trying to find the rights ones- seeing a doctor and working with you to communicate as best you can- that is the best scenario and very, very possible. But if someone continually hurts you, says the problems are your fault, refuses meds and upset you and your child. It’s a decision you have to make in your best interest.

Thanks for your question. I believe in your ability to make the decision that is right for you. I really do. Julie

PS: If you look to the right on the blog and scroll down- there is a category list and relationships is one of the topics. Visit www.JulieFast.com and click on coaching to hear more about my one on one work.