I spoke at the NAMI Oregon Conference yesterday. The day went really well and I met some wonderful people. I even managed to get to sleep normally last night.
Then I woke up with a lot of worries. I know what this means. I have too much to do. It’s not that I don’t have the time to do it. It’s never a time issue with me. My problem is that I have a bipolar wall that I smack up against if I don’t take care of myself. This means that I have to take care of things today so that I can function next week.
Many people feel stress about having a lot to do. This is different. I can’t even call it worry. It’s the feeling so many of us get that prevents us from working at regular jobs- ie. 9-5 jobs. It’s like a wave of … I’m honestly not even sure what to call it. The bipolar wave doesn’t have one name. It’s a wave of fear, worry, stress, unreasonable doubt and physical nervous pain. It’s the feeling- that’s often real- that you simply can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing.
It’s a few hours later now, so I know it’s not as bad as it seemed this morning- but I still have to listen. I’ve had this feeling during projects that weren’t going well.
If I want to have a career in speaking- and I certainly do, then I have to modify my life even more. That is something I’m willing to do.
julie
I know this feeling. I’m dealing with it right now. I’m so needing a change, and trying to plan to accomplish this.