Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

Blog From 2009: (I’m receiving comments asking if this is an old blog- nope! It’s new- my goal was to show you that I wrote the same thing in 2009 that I would write today in terms of holidays and bipolar disorder. I’ve learned that holidays are not for me in many ways, so I simply skip the ones I find stressful. I’ll be watching the World Cup on this holiday, so it’s a lot less stress this year!- here’s the post from a few years ago- but the sentiment remains the same. )

I am constantly astonished at how much trouble I have with holidays! It’s never ending. Yesterday was Independence Day here in the states. We do some major celebrating on that day. The weather was gorgeous here in Portland, Oregon.   I go to a party every year on this day. I went yesterday as well. I was pretty depressed though- and all I could think of was how other people were at better parties- and that I never get to go to cool parties. Etc. This was absolutely ridiculous as I was with friends!

If you look at the other holiday posts on this blog, you will see similar thoughts. Something about the holidays brings out the bipolar symptoms in full force. It’s the pressure of having to have a good time. Last year I went to see friends for the New Year and my birthday and it helped a lot!  I always try to learn from my past in terms of staying well- for next year I know that I need to have more than one plan for the 4th. Maybe a few parties to go to where I can pick and choose. Or maybe I can just to go another country. ha ha.

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I am planning now for my summer holiday plans.  It’s ridiculous that I have to do this and people laugh at me- but it’s just the bipolar!

I know this is a very premature question- but do you have plans in mind for the July 4th?

Julie

PS: 2014. My nephew David- who is 12- asked me to go to the fireworks with him on the 4th. I am so happy he wants to be with me! I explained that in terms of my bipolar, the crowds, the late night and especially the noise from the actual fireworks! He understands.  Bipolar takes stuff from us, but over time, you learn what you can and can’t do and it gets SO much easier!

This blog post was originally sent out as one of my Bipolar Happens newsletters. It’s the first time I’ve used a podcast for one of my newsletters. I enjoy doing them and I may do more in the future. If you aren’t currently a subscriber and you would like to receive my newsletters via email, you can sign up using the form over in the right-hand sidebar. It’s free and I won’t ever share your email with anyone.

Summary: Most people with bipolar disorder have anxiety. It’s probably close to 99%! It’s just part of the illness. Anxiety can be a separate disorder, but most people with bipolar disorder have anxiety that comes with specific mood swings. In other words, people with an anxiety disorder can be anxious while their lives are relatively stable. People with bipolar disorder anxiety are either depressed or manic when they experience the anxiety. The largest form of anxiety comes with dysphoric mania.

Please click the arrow or the title to listen to the podcast. You can also download it to your computer to listen to later. And please comment after you have listened to it. I would love to know what you think, and I know that other listeners like to hear from you as well.

Julie

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I know, it’s darn hard to hide depression sometimes- but you have to learn to do it. Here’s a journal entry from a few years ago.

I am in Michigan visiting my dad. My nephew is here. I’ve had a wonderful time in many ways. Unfortunately, yesterday was not so wonderful depression wise as I was down for most of the day.  In the past, that would have affected my behavior- which means I would be a downer for the people around me.

I don’t allow that any more. I was able to function- have some fun- eat a great meal- play dominoes with my dad and nephew- even when the thoughts were raging. I just have to let them sit there in the background like the demons they are. I hate this illness so much, but I’ve learned that I don’t have to feel good in order to have a good time. I acted like I was ok- and now I have a good memory of our time hanging out instead of the feeling of loss I would have had if I had acted depressed.

Depression is selfish- it wants to be the center of attention. That is our reality. I get jealous when I see others who have lives free of depression.  I wish- with all of my heart that I could be like them. I’m not- that’s for sure- but I can act like them when needed. It helps me feel a lot better as well.

Julie

I just received this comment from April:

When I first start feeling bad, I really try to fight it and I try to put on a bright smile on my face and maintain a positive attitude, while saving the crying spells for the car. Now, I go to the psychiatrist for a med change or adjustment. If I keep hiding behind smiles while depression takes over I get severely suicidal and end up in hospitaL. This is something I am trying to avoid. As I get older,the depression gets worse and worse. Be sureeyou get help right away. I am so sick and tired of this disease.

My reply:

Hi April,

Thank you for your comment. I realize I was not clear enough in my post. I was talking about mild to moderate depression. I agree that if it’s serious, you cannot just hide it and get on. I am talking about the kind where everything just seems worthless and awful- and you feel your life is pointless, but are still functioning. I am glad you made the distinction. If I am crying a lot or get catatonic, I know something has triggered it or my meds are off and just acting like I’m ok is not enough!  I am sick and very tired of bipolar as well, but it can be managed!

Julie