Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

I just went through two weeks of constant rapid cycling.  It sure was tough! I had five distinct mood swings in one day last week. Three were hypomanic, one was mild depression and the other was a severe crying suicidal depression. They all lasted a few hours. I’m doing a lot better today, but I’m tired. 

I wrote other blogs about how I handled the mood swings and was able to keep working and do my regular routines. Then I had about three days of terrible OCD. I told my therapist it was a bipolar perfect storm. I had a tight work deadline, my mom went out of town, a guy at a party started flirting with me and that freaked me out  ( I keep away from flirting these days!), my brother forgot about a concert we were supposed to go to – the tickets were not cheap!-  and then I got some disappointing news about a book that just came out that used my ideas without giving me credit.

And most importantly, I was having trouble with my Lamictal. 

 A perfect storm. It happens even when you have worked hard to lead a stress free life. My main goal when I get this sick is to stick to my routine.  That’s especially hard to do when I get manic. The mania just feels so good I want to partay! I didn’t though.  And now I’m better. I’m very tired physically, but I can deal with that. I’ve worked hard for over 13 years to have a system in place that helps me manage these kinds of mood swings that seem to come out of nowhere. My goal is to help others have a system that works as well! I am thankful for my Health Cards.  They especially help with the flirting issue! 😉

Julie

PS: I actually wrote this a few weeks ago- it was sent out as a newsletter first- I am doing a lot better- though the hypomania keeps showing up! I removed some of the stressors in my life- to become even more like a monk! but it’s working.

Over the past few years, I’ve worked daily to free myself from the triggers that make me ill.  I found myself in one of those triggers last week- and it wasn’t really my fault- but I did walk into something that has made me sick in the past.  My therapist was smart- she said, “Julie, think of the consequences of your choices, not just want you feel you should do in the moment.”

 It’s hard to have bipolar disorder. I want to be someone who can do things like other people! I want to be able to do something and then walk away from it without going into bipolar symptoms.

Here is what happened.  An important person from my past became very ill about six months ago. When I offered my help, he basically went into his typical behavior and told me I was overreacting.  There is no question I was not overacting. It’s just his way of handling stress.

This of course made me ill. I worked on it and decided to send him my best and move on.  A few weeks ago, I started to think about him a lot. I just felt that something must be wrong.   I finally sent him a text this week to see how he was. I thought about this carefully and decided that though he has caused me constant trouble in the past, he obviously needed my support at this time. I was right- he is ill again and will go in for surgery next week.

The problem is that this simple text on my part brought up so many past memories – and his reply- thanks for writing- I appreciate your support-  I will be fine- did cause me trouble.

Overall, I did something that has made me feel bad in the past.

It is always a struggle for me to decided what behavior is ok and what behavior will cause a mood swing. It’s not a fun way to live, but I can say that these situations are rare now. I think a long time before I do something. I still make mistakes- but they thoughtful mistakes! ha ha.

I don’t regret contacting my ex. He is a good person going through a tough time.

Now, I am a good person going through a tough time- so I have to take care of myself!

Julie

hypomania…. Gosh darn it… darn it….

I’m writing a new book on ebooks for a publishing company called the Geezer Guides. It’s not an easy book to write, but then none are!  I was really in the zone this morning. I got to the library with no brain civil war. I just got in my car, drove, parked, sat at my desk, opened my computer and started to write. This may seem simple to some, but it’s often a truly difficult process for people with bipolar disorder. Then I realized I was having a lot of fun writing. The ideas were flowing like melted chocolate! I called a friend and said, “It’s an amazing day! I’m finally feeling better and things aren’t so hard! All right!”

And then it happened. I thought, “Oh no. I’m hypomanic.”

Talk about bursting my balloon. I usually argue with myself for awhile- “Maybe this is just a good day! It doesn’t have to always be mania when I feel good! Maybe this is the real me!”

If you look at my mania health card you will read all of those sentences.  Another sign is that yesterday was a stressful and difficult day and as I have constant rapid cycling, it makes sense I would go into hypomania the next day.

Pardon my French, but crap. It’s not fair. So I will use it as much as possible today and prepare for the inevitable downswing as I always do.  I have used my Health Cards for eight years and it took at least five years for me to truly manage my mania.  I can now catch it within a few hours or within a day.  

Julie