Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

The Fine Line Between Creativity and Illness

I’m in the middle of a very quick, exciting and completely up in the air book project. The publishing profession is very volatile, hit and miss, unsure, sometimes devastating and when it works, exhilarating and profitable. It’s hard to deal with bipolar disorder and work!

The problem is that you literally can’t control how things will turn out. But you keep trying.

In the normal process, I turn in my ideas to my agent- she then contacts specific editors she thinks are a good fit for the project. I currently have an idea for a relationship book that’s very exciting. An editor liked the idea and asked for a table of contents and a sample chapter- four days ago. I have been working on it pretty steadily and I can feel the effects:

1. Too wound up and excited to sleep
2. Alternatively hopeful and fearful- which leads to anxiety
3. Irritated- massively irritated from the stress of having to work so quickly
4. Scared that it won’t happen

I feel lurking, overwhelming anxiety and hysteria in the background. I’m getting the feeling I get when things are getting very overstimulating . My brain is shutting down a bit and I have to put off other projects in order to have enough mental health to keep going with the new book project. I then have to protect myself because I know for sure I will get depressed if it doesn’t go through- even though it’s normal in the business to have this uncertainty.

My goal is to do as much as possible to keep myself in excellent mental health during this process. I will get plenty of sleep and remind myself that even if I get sick, the project can still get done with the same quality as it would when I’m well. And most importantly, I will focus on the fact that I have an original idea that others find interesting.

I’ve spent every day of the past seven years getting well enough to work on projects such as this one! I don’t want to mess up now.

This is one of the reasons I haven’t written as many blogs- or answered the questions I said I would answer. I am consolidating my mental tools.

I love your comments, so keep sending them in!
Julie

PS: I came very, very close but didn’t get the book deal. I handled it well.

Bipolar Disorder and Working at Starbucks

Working without the internet… not acutally working for Starbucks! 😉

I’ve found that going to Starbucks where there is no wireless is immensely helpful work wise- especially on the days when I’m depressed and unfocused. It’s amazing how the internet can keep a person from getting work done! I do my email and then send them from home. This helps a lot. It also keeps me from compulsively checking to see if someone has written. Nothing is so important that I have to check my email every few minutes! When I was on Facebook, it was awful. People write constantly and before you know it, you’re over there looking for friends. I won’t have a personal Facebook any time soon- and even if I did- I couldn’t check it at Starbucks!

Julie

Bipolar disorder and severe depression…

You can survive this illness…… even when it feels impossible

I’m just getting out of two days of hell. Absolute hell. I had simultaneous severe depression and relentless OCD thinking. I am finally better tonight. Here’s what I did:

Dealt with work disappointment in a reasonable and realistic way. I am in a tough, tough business. There is more disappointment than success- that’s part of being in a media profession. This means I MUST be ready for the depression that comes with disappointment.
Once I realized I was depressed- which was not hard since I know my signs completely- I then went into management mode. This is an illness. I used the tips in all of my books 24 hours a day. Literally- because if I wake up with obsessive thoughts, I have to take care of things so that I can get back to sleep! It’s hard.
I got out of bed. It’s the only way to lead a normal life. No matter what. No matter how depressed you are- you must always get out of bed as the first step.
I told people I was not doing well. I have taught them how to help.
I did as much work as possible- just sitting down and doing SOMETHING made a big difference. I worked quite a bit today and I’m glad I did.
I kept going, even when I was crying. There are good things in the world and when I keep going, I have much more chance of putting myself in a position to experience the good things.

And I’m now better. I can go to sleep feeling ok. It’s over and I’m so relieved.

Of course, I have all of the tips in my books memorized- but I still have to make myself use them. That’s the key.

We can all make it through the hell caused by this illness.
Julie

Reader Question: Depression

Here is an excellent question from Julie- I’ve asked this question of myself many times:

I like your blogs… all the advice about keeping a positive attitude, keep busy, think about the positives in live… I know I need to do those things but what if I don’t want to? One little (ok, not so little) thing made me sad today and now all of life seems pointless & not worth doing. I’ve been up since 4am & now I’m just waiting to get tired so I can sleep through the day & not have to take care of my kids, fix lunch, take a shower, or go to church (which I KNOW I need). “Stay strong,” people say, but what if I don’t want to?

Hi Julie,

That is the language of depression talking. I think that way all of the time. First of all, people who tell a depressed person to stay strong are doing so out of what they consider kindness, but to be very honest, it’s quite ignorant! This is a serious illness and telling us to stay strong is just not helpful at all!

All of my books address the language of bipolar disorder- what we say- do and think. And it’s the same for all of us because it’s an illness! If you don’t have the Health Cards- you can visit www.bipolarhappens.com to view a free depression health card- it’s in the middle of the page- it’s a PDF file. That will let you see that we all talk this way.

When I say that I stay positive, get things done and focus on staying busy- it’s because my brain is so nasty and unhappy for a large part of the time that I have to counteract it with a lot of tools. My book Get it Done When You’re Depressed is 100% about this topic- as I didn’t want to live or do anything for quite a while. Nothing seems important especaily the mundane parts of life such as doing the dishes or taking a bath when you’re depressed.

But it is ALL important. Life is about those things. I won’t let depression take away my pleasure of the little things. It tries.

I had a GOOD day yesterday. Things went well and I went to bed happy. This is all because of the years I’ve put in on saying no to the crappy thoughts of this illness. All of what you talk about: take care of my kids, fix lunch, take a shower, or go to church – is extremely important- the depression is just stronger than the good stuff right now.

You don’t have to want to stay strong- in fact- forget about that completely! What matters is that you talk back to depression, tell it to leave you alone and then do all you can to make it go away. When you feel better- it’s like there is light in your life again and the dark weight that is on your body can at least life enough for you to take another action so that you can move forward a little more.

My book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder has a chapter called the Bipolar Conversation- I think your family and friends would get a lot from it! I can’t do this without the ideas in my books. I read them when I get sick. It’s too hard to manage bipolar disorder without a lot of tools.

Depression is an illness and it can be treated successfully.

Julie

Here’s another reply to the question from Sandra:
Wow, does Julie’s letter bring back memories! I had three little ones to take care of by myself and it was really tough at times. Fortunately, I had very supportive friends who taught me to call and ask for some help.

Sometimes, I just needed company while I did dishes or watched our children play together. Other times, we’d clean something, fold laundry – those mundane tasks that get so burdensome to me when I’m depressed! I learned from my friends that I tend to isolate myself when I’m depressed, and that it’s harder to stay depressed (for me, anyway) when I’m out with people. Even something as basic as grocery shopping with my kids could help me.

My three children have watched me learn to cope with bipolar illness. When life seemed to deal me more than I could handle, I also learned to call in professional help – my psychiatrist or therapist. It was (and is) important to me that my children see me managing healthy ways of coping. Julie’s books have also helped me learn when it’s “bipolar depression talking” and what to do to overcome those times. I’ve learned to do little things for myself that make me happy, too!

Sandra

Children and Bipolar Disorder Question

I just received an excellent question from Mike:

Julie, I love these blogs but I have an 8yr old girl with bipolar disorder and everything is about adults. Her anger just gets worse and worse and I don’t know how to teach her the stuff i read from you. the hcp has her on depakote and risperidal, please tell my wife and I how we can help her. I feel so bad that she has to feel this way.

I will answer this question either tonight of tomorrow. I thought I had time right now, but I am off to a meeting to interview a potential speaker for the Latino Mental Health event that my friend Gayathri Ramprasad is doing here in Portland, Oregon.

The childhood bipolar questions are so important and I want to give this a lot of thought before I answer.

UPDATE: I have not forgotten this question- I have just been in one of those hard to function at work episodes. I did get other projects done, so I can be proud of this- but this question is next.

Thank you for your reader comments!

Reader Thank You!

I want to thank everyone so much for sharing, jumping into great conversations and sending me such great support. Your blog comments really make my day. When I’m down, it’s great to know I can help someone else feel better.

Even if you’re shy to write about your experiences, this is a great place to share- you don’t have to use your full name and others here are very supportive!

I read ALL of my comments from people and will try to answer as many questions on the blog as I can.
So keep on writing !

Julie