Straight Talk on Managing Bipolar Disorder

I just received the following comment  from Jack. I know I have had the same feelings many times regarding relationships:

Hi Julie,

I have been diagnosed as bipolar type two and have already put my wife through more than I can handle (guilt). We have only been married for about two years. If I had known I had this illness before I would have spared her all of the pain. It hurts me more to see how much my pain hurts her. If there is no cure for bipolar disorder I don’t think I want to live for much longer. When we had our baby everything got worse because of my inability to deal well with any kind of stress. How can I raise a family like this. I love my wife so much. jack

Hi Jack,

First of all- every single person with bipolar disorder has trouble with relationships. This is an illness that affects our ability to regulate and control our emotions- think of how hard it is for people without  bipolar to navigate relationships! If you’re having trouble, it’s normal. But it does mean that you and your partner don’t have a plan you can use together to manage the illness. When bipolar is a part of a relationships, it takes a HUGE amount of planning and working together to make sure the relationship stays stable. I know this better than most as I have BP, obviously! and I lived with my former partner Ivan for ten years- he has bipolar one. If you read any of my books- they all explain what it’s like to have bipolar disorder from both sides of the illness. So I know what you go through and especially know what your wife experiences.

You obviously know that things must change. Nothing makes that more clear than having a child. The pressure is enormous on any man who has a child- providing for your family, maintaining stable work, being there when your wife needs you, dealing with inlaws, etc. etc. When you add bipolar it can be like adding gas to fire.

But, as you can also read in my work- it is 100% possible to have stable and loving relationships when one person has BP. It just takes a plan and daily management.

Here are some questions:

1. Do you know your triggers?
2. What are the symptoms of each major mood swing- from depression and mania to anxiety and psychosis?
3. Do you and your wife discuss what it means when you say and do certain things?
4. Do you have meds that work?

I could ask a million questions here- but you get the idea. My suggestions are that you get my books- they are available in bookstores, online and in libraries. My book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is essential for your partner. Just essential. There is simply NO way she can intuitively know how to help you. She has to learn about the illness and then learn from you how she can help. I also suggest my Health Cards- they are the management plan I have used since 2000. They gave me my life back. It’s so important to see that others go through the same things you do. You can use them together.

My site www.bipolarhappens.com has a lot of free information on the illness I think your wife would find very helpful.

Now, here are some words of encouragement. Not wanting to go on because you are hurting the people you love is all about bipolar and not necessarily about your ability to have relationships. When the illness is managed- that is when you can truly see what is you and what was the illness. I always write about the language of depression- and when we feel the guilt, pain and sadness that comes from being too sick to have basic relationships – it’s a horrible place to be. Especially if you see it’s affecting a beautiful child. I feel the same about my nephew David. I have explained bipolar to him since he was two and he understands that it’s an illness. You will be able to do the same. Having bipolar is nothing to be ashamed of. It makes us feel ashamed though!

I suggest that you give yourself a solid year to learn to manage this illness. You can talk with your wife about this and make an aggreement that ALL of your attention will go to reading about and learning to manage bipolar disorder so that you can be the loving and wonderful partner and father you obviously want to be. Managing bipolar is life long. It NEVER ends, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn to do it successfully.

You can keep going even when you’re feeling hopeless and helpless. Just remember, you never have to be completely stable to have great interactions with the ones you love – you can still love and be loved when you’re sick. This is part of the learning process. You will have to learn how to manage yourself when you’re ill (this includes a treatment plan and bipolar meds) and you will then have to teach your wife exactly what to do to help you. You will eventually teach your child the same.  These are the secrets to managing this illness.

It’s 100% possible.

Julie

A note to readers- please do leave comments and words of encouragement for Jack. We have all been there! Julie

I recently added more information to my bipolarhappens.com website. One topic is the difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II. Everyone affected by the illness needs to know the difference as their treatments are very different! Do you know your correct diagnosis or if you love someone with the illness, do  you know their correct diagnosis? You can find more info on the web page.

Click here to read (and listen!) more about  bipolar i and bipolar ii.

I recorded a great podcast on this topic- you will find it midway down the bipolarhappens.com web page.

julie

Feel free to send the podcast to family and friends- it’s not easy to understand the differences between the two bipolar diagnoses! It can be confusing for family members.

 I take a very high dose of Lamictal  ever day. (The generic form of Lamictal is Lamotrigine.) The basic dose is 200mg and I take 500-550mg. It just shows how differently we all process medications!  A dose that high can naturally lead to more side effects. I have tried so many ways to get the meds in my system while minimizing the neck stiffness, breathing problem and itching I get with Lamictal.

Take Your Meds Over a 24 Hour Period 

 I finally came up with something that works. I do a 24 hour round of the meds. Most of us take meds while we are awake or when we go to sleep. I decided to take them throughout the day and night. I got a 7 day pill box, but instead of using it for days- I use it for hours. I break my Lamictal into sections some big and some smaller and put them in each day. I carry this in my purse for the day and then put it in my kitchen at night. It has taken a while to get used to it. I can also add any supplements I take such as an Iron pill or Vitamin D.

If you take more than one drug (and most with bipolar do) you can spread them out the same way if needed.  Also, it’s essential that you tell your health care professional you want to do this.  Some medications are time released and may not work with this system!

A typical day looks like this- I wake up and take a dose. Wait a few hours and take the other, then a third. I take one right before I go to bed. One when I wake up to go to the bathroom- and if I get up two times in the night I take another one then- and if there is a little bit left over in the morning, I take that and then wait a few hours to start all over again.

My mother does this with her generic Lamotrigine (Lamictal is the brand name) – and a friend does it with her Zyprexa and Lamictal. This takes planning for sure! But it’s worth it. I will send this out as a newsletter as I feel it’s a great way to get the meds in our system with less side effects to worry us!

If you have not checked out my updated bipolarhappens.com website for my Health Cards Treatment System, here is the link.

This one goes directly to the medications side effects page. You can then read about my books from there!

BipolarHappens.com Medications Side Effect Information

If you would like to send this blog to a friend, you can copy and paste the URL at the top of the blog and send it in an email!

Julie