I work with a lot of clients in my coaching business who find it hard to understand some of the odd behaviors of their loved ones. Here are the symptoms:
1. Want to work- have time to work- have ideas for work- but can’t work.
2. Can’t see the signs of mania even though others can see them 100%.
3. Make choices that make the depression or mania worse even when they know they are making a big mistake.
4. Stop taking meds even when it’s obvious the meds are working really well.
5. Get angry and then expect the family/work/friends etc. to just bounce back when their mood changes.
6. Refuse help- even if it means they lose a relationship/job/friend/home, etc.
It may seem odd to call the above list ‘symptoms’- but they are. All people with bipolar have the above behaviors- so that means they are symptoms of the illness. A plan in place is the only way to prevent the above. I use my Health Cards- if you have not read Take Charge- that is the best beginning book I know- I coach families and partners, I DO IT ALL. And I help a lot of people every day- And I still have the above symptoms that I have to fight constantly. If I am affected by the illness the same way you are and the same way your loved ones are affected- that shows you that you’re not alone when bipolar tries to take over. It does this to all of us.
Something rather ‘funny’ happened when I recently saw my osteopath today for a hip problem- he had a resident MD with him. My doc explained my situation and then told the resident that I was a well known bipolar disorder writer with seven books, and that I had a tough time with finding ways to help myself. Basically he praised my work and was explaining to the guy that I have it tough sometimes. Then, the resident started to ask me questions about what I
had tried to treat bipolar- Have you done natural methods? Have you
tried this? That? I know a psychiatrist who knows how to combine
medications and he has had a lot of success. Do you know him?
I tried to explain that yes, I have tried all he is talking about- in fact I write a lot of books on the topic. I am on my 23rd medication- I have worked with top doctors, including my coauthor- but to no avail. He kept on and on as though there was something he knew that I just hadn’t figured out yet.
The truth is, the guy didn’t have a clue what he was talking about because he doesn’t know
me and didn’t try to know me. . I could tell my doctor just wanted to get him out of there. It’s
funny- I wanted to say- “You literally have no idea what you are talking about or you would ask me questions about what I have done that worked or didn’t work- instead of drilling me as though I were too dumb to know how to help myself. They maybe you could have given me a new direction or idea.”
But I didn’t. This pour soul and his misunderstanding of bipolar! I know, I am snarky.
My doctors, therapists, coauthors, nurse practitioners, acupuncturists, masseuses, physical therapists and all other health care professionals I have seen in the past few years know I am doing all I can. They understand. You are probably like me- or if you love someone with bipolar – they are probably like me. We try things- we try what we think will work, hope will work, pray will work and then we keep going.
I am going to end this on a positive. I saw my doctor again today for my hip- he was alone- we had a great time and my hip is going to get better.
….sleeping at night. I just received a great comment on this topic. I often tell clients that there is one way to deal with the depression sleep issue- to have the motto: BEDS ARE FOR SLEEPING AT NIGHT. Tracy’s comment is a great explanation of why. It’s so easy for us to crawl into bed when we’re depressed. It’s easy to stay in bed when we wake up depressed- but you will never feel better. Ever. Thanks to Tracy for telling her story!
Hi Julie,
I woke up this morning to a cloudy, dreary day. My mood also reflects this weather change- unmotivated, discouraged, low energy. Yesterday it was 80 degrees and sunny and I felt great! A 4 mile run probably contributed to my feelings of happiness.
I work at home. After being up for a few hours this morning and getting the kids off to school I found myself migrating towards the bedroom to take a nap. The blinds were drawn, the phone turned off, and my sound machine was running full blast. Just before I climbed into bed a little voice stopped me and reminded me that crawling into bed wouldn’t make me feel better. And I really wasn’t that tired. I had been focusing on the work/errands and chores that need to get done- anyone would want to crawl in bed after looking at that list. Mentally, I went through the list, crossed of everything that wasn’t urgent and focused on doing things that I enjoy and those that must be accomplished. The list is much shorter than it was a few hours ago. I’m still don’t have any pep in my step, but I’m not in bed either.
This illness just creeps up on me when I least expect it. I never go to bed at night thinking tomorrow’s supposed to rain what do I need to do the ward off the depression? ‘Normal” people don’t do that and I forget that my brain works differently that others. So I’m off to do some good things for myself and hoping the mind will follow.
I think it’s essential that people with a lot of depression get very, very clear on what makes them happy. These are the things that alleviate depression- or at least make it slightly better. These things can then be waiting when the depression starts. You can make a list of what works to help you get out of the down swing. Then you can pull this out and use it – if it’s written down it can break through the depression and actually do something- and when you have a list of what makes you happy you can also have these things ready.
Here is mine- and believe me, I need it lately.
1. Singing. I love karaoke with friends- if I do it by myself when I’m well- then it can be tough- so I know that my list has to be clear- I like to sing with friends. I have a karaoke bar I’ve been going to for 8 years. I fell better when I sing.
2. Being with large groups- especially if I am speaking to the group. This makes me happy. So, it means I have to set up these meetings in advance- sometimes it’s six months in advance. Then it is ready for me. I am depressed a portion of most days- so it’s important to have these meetings to look forward to.
I make lists like this all of the time when I’m well. Making myself do them when I’m sick can be hard. Even after after all of this time, I often think that the depression won’t come back and I can just plan day to day. But no- so I have to plan for happiness.
Hello to everyone.. I always try to leave a reply on the comments I received, but as you can probably tell- wanting to do something and being able to do something is quite different. So, I have an idea I may have mentioned before.
Feel free to send me questions of one to two sentences and I will answer with the same. That way I can get to everybody and we can get some quick solutions to problems. Sometimes we really can find out what to do just from reading a few sentences.
Please keep your comments as long as you want- I read all of them daily. Long comments help a lot of people.
I recently posted and asked people to comment on all of the different names used to describe bipolar disorder. Sandra just wrote in with another name:
Hi Julie,
I purchased a book called “Break the Bipolar Cycle” by Elizabeth Brondolo, Ph.D. and Xavier Amador, Ph.D. and they use the term Bipolar Spectrum Disorders (BSD) as an umbrella term that includes all types of Bipolar Disorders. That was the first I’d heard that term before.
Sandra
Here is my answer:
Hi Sandra,
The term bipolar spectrum disorders is used a lot in health care professional and academic writing. As you read in the book I am sure, it means that bipolar disorder goes on a spectrum from mind to severe with many different manifestations of the illness in between. Most of us have bipolar one or bipolar two- a new diagnosis is of bipolar three where the person gets manic from a medication such as Prozac or Zoloft and or Adderall or Ritalin. Once a person who is depressed has a mania, it is then considered a bipolar disorder diagnosis. There is also a form of bipolar on the spectrum that some call bipolar four- where the person is only manic. Can you imagine! My coauthor John says you can meet many of those with this diagnosis in Hollywood or Wall Street
Cyclothymia is the milder form of bipolar and is found at the lower end of the spectrum. There is also childhood onset bipolar disorder- a term I have never agreed with. The symptoms seen in ‘childhood bipolar’ are so different than those in adult onset bipolar where the symptoms start in the late teens and early twenties. I just read an article on the CNN website that said a new name is coming out on the spectrum for children: Temper Dysregulation Disorder with Dysphoria
This is a complicated name that means the children get angry easliy, can’t be soothed and are often uncomfortable, restless, unhappy, depressed and agitated with mania. Adults are like this for sure, but not for the long periods seen in children. Children can get ragingly upset for hours and even days and few things can help them calm down until the episode is over. I will write more on this in the future. Many of my coaching clients are parents of children whose bipolar fits the Temper Dysregulation pattern.
Yes- Bipolar Spectrum Disorders is a common term and one I will add to our list.
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Mom Brain Podcast
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