hypomania.. darn it… gosh darn it!

hypomania…. Gosh darn it… darn it….

I’m writing a new book on ebooks for a publishing company called the Geezer Guides. It’s not an easy book to write, but then none are!  I was really in the zone this morning. I got to the library with no brain civil war. I just got in my car, drove, parked, sat at my desk, opened my computer and started to write. This may seem simple to some, but it’s often a truly difficult process for people with bipolar disorder. Then I realized I was having a lot of fun writing. The ideas were flowing like melted chocolate! I called a friend and said, “It’s an amazing day! I’m finally feeling better and things aren’t so hard! All right!”

And then it happened. I thought, “Oh no. I’m hypomanic.”

Talk about bursting my balloon. I usually argue with myself for awhile- “Maybe this is just a good day! It doesn’t have to always be mania when I feel good! Maybe this is the real me!”

If you look at my mania health card you will read all of those sentences.  Another sign is that yesterday was a stressful and difficult day and as I have constant rapid cycling, it makes sense I would go into hypomania the next day.

Pardon my French, but crap. It’s not fair. So I will use it as much as possible today and prepare for the inevitable downswing as I always do.  I have used my Health Cards for eight years and it took at least five years for me to truly manage my mania.  I can now catch it within a few hours or within a day.  

Julie