This is my blog from 2007. Isn’t it amazing how this illness just keeps chugging along even when we do our best to stay stable! My depression is so much better, but I still have the tough days – the stunned days. I have to get out my drill sergeant pretty often!
From 2007: I woke up depressed. I was up a few nights ago so I’m obviously rapid cycling. I called a friend to tell her I was manic- this is part of my treatment plan- and she said, “Ok. What happens next?” I said, “Well, I feel so good right now, but I will probably go down. It always happens even though I never believe it will. I just have to look at the way it has been [ Read More ]
I used to have a lot of drama in my life. Much of it was due to my own choices, some of it was due to bipolar disorder causing me to make stupid choices, such as when I get manic.
I have changed completely in the past few years. I’m no longer willing to make decisions and then just hope they turn out ok.
I get too sick when I do this. I have goals in life that I want to reach- speaking to large groups on mental health, reducing the suicide rate in this country, financial stability, physical health- big stuff for sure!
The only way I can accomplish my goals is to examine every potential decision for disaster (drama!) from sending an email telling someone they are ignoring me to saying [ Read More ]
I’m reading over my older posts- so much of what I’ve written can still be used today- medications don’t change and our needs don’t change. I was on Lamictal for many years and it helped me get through a serious four year depression. My depression is better now and I am off the drug. Medications can help us through tough depression times- and when we are better, we can lower doses or go off the medications. Unfortunately, it’s not the same with mania. For many people, staying on mania drugs as a prevention tool is essential, but even then, doses can change and different medications can be found that have less side effects. No one and I mean no one really wants to take medications for bipolar disorder, but if you’re like me, medications [ Read More ]
Here’s an article where I, along with some very interesting people am interviewed by Madeline R. Vann, MPH from EverydayHealth.com on the topic of bipolar disorder and spirituality. I share the story of how I lost all of my spiritual feelings when my depression got so serious in my 40s. I remember being so depressed I could only see myself as a speck of dirt on this revolving chuck of rock and water. I felt forever alone and hopeless. I was so sick. If you have bipolar disorder and you’re depressed, please let my story and the other stories in this article be a candle that provides a little bit of light when the depression is raging. I didn’t think I would be alive at 51. I was [ Read More ]
My bipolar disorder diagnosis liberated me from the jail of wondering why I was such a mess!
From age 19 to 31 years old, I constantly wondered what was wrong with me.
Why was I so depressed and then completely wild? Why did it take me eight years to finish college? Why did I lose friends and then make them easily? Why did I get on planes to other countries without a plan in place? Why couldn’t I hold a job for more than a year? Why did I leave all of my boyfriends? Why was I so certain about my life in one moment and would then suddenly decide that everything was wrong and I needed a change?
It was exhausting. Then I heard the words that changed my [ Read More ]
Does bipolar disorder depression keep you from getting things done? It’s a life long struggle for me and I will get through it and you can too!
Here I am sitting in my car with my typical bipolar disorder dilemma. What to do next? I’m amazed at how my brain works just fine one morning and then without any changes in my life, I’m sitting in my car and it’s absolutely painful to make a simple decision.
This is bipolar disorder in a nut shell! Having trouble getting things done is a bipolar disorder symptom. Most of us have it. It’s not personal. We are not lazy. It’s even worse when you’re depressed. If you love someone with this illness, you might wonder why the person [ Read More ]
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