I just went through two weeks of constant rapid cycling. It sure was tough! I had five distinct mood swings in one day last week. Three were hypomanic, one was mild depression and the other was a severe crying suicidal depression. They all lasted a few hours. I’m doing a lot better today, but I’m tired.
I wrote other blogs about how I handled the mood swings and was able to keep working and do my regular routines. Then I had about three days of terrible OCD. I told my therapist it was a bipolar perfect storm. I had a tight work deadline, my mom went out of town, a guy at a party started flirting with me and that freaked me out ( I keep away from flirting these days!), my brother forgot about a concert we were supposed to go to – the tickets were not cheap!- and then I got some [ Read More ]
I receive a lot of email asking how I manage this illness. I always tell them it’s the Health Cards (my treatment plan) and that’s true. Medications help as well- but my main technique is being able to remind myself over and over again when I’m super ill- that it’s an illness.
Depression is so physical- it can literally feel like it’s in every cell of our body- and maybe it is. But then so is diabetes or MS or any other chronic illness. I’ve learned what bipolar really feels like as compared to the real me- and when I get depressed, as I was for most of the day- I spend all day getting better.
I have a plan in place to do this- but it’s still incredibly hard. I am writing this to send out support to anyone who is depressed and reading this blog. Thousands of people come here each month- we [ Read More ]
Over the past few years, I’ve worked daily to free myself from the triggers that make me ill. I found myself in one of those triggers last week- and it wasn’t really my fault- but I did walk into something that has made me sick in the past. My therapist was smart- she said, “Julie, think of the consequences of your choices, not just want you feel you should do in the moment.”
It’s hard to have bipolar disorder. I want to be someone who can do things like other people! I want to be able to do something and then walk away from it without going into bipolar symptoms.
Here is what happened. An important person from my past became very ill about six months ago. When I offered my help, he basically went into his typical behavior and told me I was overreacting. There is no question I was not overacting. It’s [ Read More ]
It’s 11:45 in the morning and I’m at the library writing my latest book. When I woke up this morning I called my friend Janea and told her what I’ve been doing. She said, “Julie, are you in a mood?” I said, “Oh yes, the mania is dogging me. That’s for sure. But I have it under control. I just can’t figure out where it’s coming from.” This conversation is amazing for two reasons- it’s the first time that Janea has specifically noticed that I’m up and said something about it. I’ve been teaching her about bipolar disorder for three years. It really can take that long for people to understand that being manic is very, very different from being happy or amped up on caffeine.
Secondly, it’s amazing because I admitted that I was slightly manic and even thought I felt embarrassed that [ Read More ]
I’m writing a new book on ebooks for a publishing company called the Geezer Guides. It’s not an easy book to write, but then none are! I was really in the zone this morning. I got to the library with no brain civil war. I just got in my car, drove, parked, sat at my desk, opened my computer and started to write. This may seem simple to some, but it’s often a truly difficult process for people with bipolar disorder. Then I realized I was having a lot of fun writing. The ideas were flowing like melted chocolate! I called a friend and said, “It’s an amazing day! I’m finally feeling better and things aren’t so hard! All right!”
And then it happened. I thought, “Oh no. I’m hypomanic.”
I just received the following comment on the blog:
**
I am unable to stop focusing on the economic situation. I can’t seem to stop worrying about the future and this is just feeding into my triggers. If anyone has a good suggestion about this, I would appreciate it.
** Wow, most of us can commiserate with this! I suggest that we all focus on and take care of the bipolar disorder side of the worrying – which will help with the obsessive thoughts. This can help us view the economic crisis realistically.
If you read my past entries, I’ve had some terrific OCD problems this past month. Many of them were financial. That’s normal. OCD symptoms simply mean that an obsession gets in your head and won’t stop talking and talking. This leads to fear that something bad will happen in the future.
Most people have a worry and then it calms [ Read More ]
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