Being honest with the people in your life is very, very hard. I’ve found myself staying in friendships and listening to things I don’t like or don’t agree with just to be a good friend who listens and accepts the other person. This is something that is preached to us a lot- we need to be rational and non judgmental. And yet, there are things people do that I don’t like, but to be totally honest, I’m scared to tell the truth as I fear the relationship will end. I fear that I will come across as non understanding and needy.
I then try to be a good friend by saying to myself- it’s her life- it’s his choice. It has nothing to do with me.
And finally, as a result of this dishonest ‘understanding’ on my part, my upset with the other person’s behavior festers and then comes out in one big scream on [ Read More ]
– I don’t want to be a raging lunatic on the phone like I was on a call to my bank! I just lost it. I had one of those days where my physical reaction to things was way off. I can tell when it’s meds. It’s different from being angry- this is out of control I want to thrown my phone through the widow anger. I made sure I didn’t take it out on others too badly- I have learned to control myself. But it’s hard.
There are so many meds that can cause this kind of anger and aggression. You know it’s the illness or the meds when it literally comes out of nowhere- it’s not a normal part of your personality- you watch yourself and think what in the heck is going on with me- and your behaviors are odd such as cussing as loudly as possible for longer than normal!
Here is a letter from V. about her son and Invega- also previosly known as extended release Risperdal.
Julie,
My son has been treated for bi-polar with a mix of medications which includes Invega. This is a newer version of risperdal which is supposed to have fewer side effects. I think my son is suffering from reduced cognitive functioning, like he is in a fog. It is hard to tell because he definitely had a real drop in IQ testing (about 20 points) which the doctors thought were due to his anxiety and depression at the time of the testing, but I think it might be the meds too.
He seems “dumber” than ever and complains about it. He used to be very sharp, although he had other emotional problems which are better controlled now. Do you have any experience with invega or has anyone heard of this? He also seems to have significantly thinning [ Read More ]
And I woke up with IT again this morning. I call depression IT because I want to remind myself that IT is not me! The language of depression is so predictable- how does it know where to hurt me the most! I was pretty sick yesterday, but I kept going as I always do. It was hard to work and I know my mom was worried about me. I managed to feel better by the time I went to sleep. Bipolar disorder can be such a vicious illness simply because it causes you to examine all that is going WRONG in your life over and over again.
When I woke up too early this morning, my brain did a cascade of thoughts regarding the two people in my life who are causing me stress. It just wouldn’t stop on its own, so I made it stop. Yes, I am [ Read More ]
wow, I want to do a short entry today as I’ve been doing monster long entries! A newletter is coming soon with a lot of info about meds. Things are going well here finally! I am back to work like a normal person. I sure went through a terrible time, but all that matters is what happens now. I can’t look back too much as those mood swings are so scary! I always make it through. We can all make it through the bad ones!
I am glad I figured out it was a medication problem and took care of it in a few days.
If you’re new to this blog- maybe you came from the amazon.com link- you can read all about my January mood swing in the posts below!
Julie
If you are not on the newsletter list- here is a signup link. Once you sign up, you will receive an opt [ Read More ]
I just received the following comment from Melissa. I am sure many of us understand! Hypomania is very slippery as it’s often not bad enough for us to stop it before it causes a lot of trouble. It causes trouble eventually, but it’s easy to convince yourself that things will be fine!
Hey Julie!
I’ve been dabbling in my hypomania for quite a few weeks now with increased stress being the culprit that let my balloon fill up. I always watch out for the three S’s when I’m feeling good – Speeding, Shopping and Sex. I’m currently training to walk the Eugene Half Marathon. It is motivating me to keep up on my self-care and exercise but it also seems a little grandiose I guess. Oh well, that’s my world in a nutshell.
Melissa
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This is great because Melissa has such great insight. Speeding, Shopping and Sex! I didn’t think to add the [ Read More ]
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