My answer is completely dependent on how the other person is affecting my bipolar disorder!
I’m at a cafe answering my coaching inquiries and heard these song lyrics:
Loving you was never good for me.
I’ve lived in that world with a few men and I’m very happy to say that I stopped the behavior 100%. I learned that having someone in my life who makes my bipolar disorder worse isn’t an option.
I have a zero tolerance policy for ANYONE who willingly makes my bipolar disorder worse. It’s not about them- I don’t control the behavior of others, but I sure as heck can decide to stay or go.
I made the decision to GO! GO! GO! when my bipolar disorder is triggered.
This was years ago and I’m happy and stable now. So much of my bipolar disorder was about my behavior around romantic relationships. When I removed the equation, I started to heal and became more stable.
You can do the same. Should I stay or should I go is another great song lyric. Life became so simple for me when I left the people who hurt me. Life is even better now that I don’t let them into my life at all!
Julie
Wow, what a positive statement. I have not realized this but it is so true! I never thought about my relationship being a trigger, but I realize now how it really can be. That can be a thought that you really don’t want to think about because that means change. I am teaching my partner how lots of things he says and does can be triggers for me.
Thank you once again Julie for such encouraging words!
Crystal
My husband does not understand my illness. When I am manic he says “I can’t stand it when you are THIS way.” When I am down he says”what can I do” and then does nothing and I sit in my room alone reading. The cruelest thing he has said is “I guess I will have to take care of you Forever.” I am repeating a quote “I live alone with my husband.”
Yes, my 13-year partner was probably schizophrenic and drrove me crazy. Have been happier since he’s gone but have not lived with anyone since.
I had a holiday romance that made me very manic as the sex was so good. But it triggered a spending spree once I got back home. I ended it when I went to Tunisia the 2nd time and he was not so much “into me”. So I dumped him. I like my own company and have lots of music activities now that my BPD got me invalided out of my job. I have a house and a pension. Sex seems less important at 61. I don’t think any man could bear with my moodswings.
A revelation indeed. I seem to collect the worst of men then when its time to let go . Its such a struggle then always i am pushed to the edge. At least now I know that I am not alone. I can let go freely without feeling guilty,since i am always one on the giving end
Very well said… quite succinctly… and so very true. Since I wasn’t diagnosed until age 45, I didn’t realize it at the time, but there were a number of relationships that were triggers for me. And yes, we can’t change them, so sometimes the best solution is to just get free of those who hurt us. Even if it’s a close family member. It’s simply not healthy or worth the added stress and anguish. Cutting ourselves loose from those situations can be the only solution in most cases, it seems. Life is freer, easier, and far more happy having learned this. (The hard way, in many cases, unfortunately.) Thanks for sharing. Great positive reinforcement, Julie!
I was kicked out of a seven year relationship in 2003 because she said she couldn’t “live with my moods” any longer. It, in turn, kicked off a six-year relapse of suicidal depression to outlandish hypo-mania. My behavior during those six years haunt me. I try to re-frame the memories, but I am deeply embarrassed by what I did and about the people I did it around.
I am now in the fifth year of a new relationship far away from where I had been living and am stable as I approach my 65th birthday; however, the pain of those six years 2003-2009 linger in dreams and thoughts that slip in at different times of the day. My former therapist proposed we work on that, but he moved on to another opportunity while I look for a new therapist. I am not very hopeful.