Yesterday was a tough day…
And I woke up with IT again this morning. I call depression IT because I want to remind myself that IT is not me! The language of depression is so predictable- how does it know where to hurt me the most! I was pretty sick yesterday, but I kept going as I always do. It was hard to work and I know my mom was worried about me. I managed to feel better by the time I went to sleep. Bipolar disorder can be such a vicious illness simply because it causes you to examine all that is going WRONG in your life over and over again.
When I woke up too early this morning, my brain did a cascade of thoughts regarding the two people in my life who are causing me stress. It just wouldn’t stop on its own, so I made it stop. Yes, I am having trouble with these people- one is my brother- but the trouble is really not on my side. They are having trouble in their lives and I feel left out. My friend John D. and I went to happy hour the other night and talked about how hard it is to really, really find the feelings behind thoughts and actions. My feelings around these two people are real- bipolar makes me obsess and over think the situation. I don’t have to listen. They are unhappy- I am not sure how I fit into that! I feel excluded because I see them making time for other people. That is their choice and to be honest, I’m not sure they realize what they are doing. It’s up to me to decide what to do from my side of things. I can’t let depression make decisions for me. Ever.
julie
I just read your email, and as you are generally so up beat about meds helping, I would love to know what you would say to me, a 68 year old woman, who has tried 40 different anti depression meds since Elavil, the trycyclics, the ssris, neuroleptics and Abilify, Seroquel, etc, etc. came out..many at 3 and 4 different doses, with horrible and intolerable side effects. For many years tiny amounts of imipramine and prozac helped, but no more. What advice if any would you offer. I have your book and health cards. I am diagnosed as ongoing PTSD and moderately bipolar with ADHD as a result of the PTSD.
Hi Susan,
I am upbeat about meds because I was lucky enough to find one that worked. It was medication #23- so you have tried a lot more than I have. I am a broken record here, but have you tried Lamictal? I didn’t see it on your list- you probably have, but if not, I highly recomend talking to your doctor about it.
I truly understand your frustrations and worry. If you have severe depression, ECT is something you can look into. It’s not as horrible as it has been portrayed in the media, but it’s a serious step. It saved a friend of mine from suicide. It really depends on your symptoms. Bipolar disorder can be a very hard illness to treat. I do love my Lamictal- but it helps with about 50% of my symptoms- I still use the Health Cards, etc. I wish I had more concrete information. Let me know about the Lamictal.
Julie
Hi Julie,
I just want to thank you for such wonderful e-mails & information. You have given me a lot of hope for my son. I don’t know what I would do without your e-mails & web site. You are awesome!
thank you
Julie, I am sorry to hear you weren’t feeling well today. My hubby is in the middle of a job loss transition and I thought I was keeping a really positive attitude going. (I recently started to feel closer to “well” again after an extended, prescription-med-steroid induced depression of about eight months.) Well, the past few days have been hard on me. I have been reverting to some of the damaging behaviors of my depression (“shutting down” to sleep excessively or isolate during my free time when I’m not working; having a volatile temper and not trying very hard to curb it; having ‘bipolar conversations’ with my hubby; feeling like I’ll always feel bad, etc.) This illness is so trying when it is not in remission! (I was in solid remission for the past several years and before that, had things fairly well controlled.) I need to remember it is normal to need to use other strategies to work through this illness as a companion to my meds (which I do take faithfully). And … never giving up hope is important! I need to look forward to getting back into remission.
Julie, I just want to tell you I have given your website URL to many of my patients who know a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I tell them about your books as well. Do you know about Pyrolluria? It is a genetic condition where people who have it don’t use vitamin B6 and Zinc well and seem to need higher amounts of each to function. It seems to be an aspect of some mental illnesses and making sure the B6 and Zinc levels are optimal can really help sometimes. B6 and Zinc are cofactors in production of neurotransmitters so are really important. without them we can’t make enough neurotransmitters like Serotonin, Dopamine and GABA.
Although medications can be lifesavers, getting the nutrients you need is essential.
Hello!
I completely agree with you. I also have friends who say Vitamin D has worked well for them in terms of general health and depression.
Thank you for telling your patients about my work. It is truly appreciated! julie
Hi Julie,
I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this, but here goes. When I get depressed, I have visions. They just pop into my head unannounced. I see myself in different suicidal situations, and always from outside my body, like I am some other person watching it happen to me. This has become useful to me, as my prescibing nurse-practitioner has said that I can tinker with my lamicdal doseage, and increase it when I need to. So, as soon as I have a vision, I can increase my dose. But I am deeply troubled by the visions. I first had them when I was 15, and now still at 45. I have become so much more aware of my illness this last year after a diagnosis, and therapy and reading books like yours. The visions scare me and make me cry. Am I phsycotic? Am I sicker than I think I am?