It’s a great night when I can get to sleep without sleep meds. I go through long periods when I’m fine and then I have nights where I simply won’t sleep unless I take my Ativan. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep- and it’s not that I’m manic. I just won’t sleep. I just lie there. Then I start the brain tug of war:
Brain #1 Julie, you really should be able to just go to sleep on your own. Other people don’t need meds to sleep. You will be too tired in the morning if you take the Ativan. Just keep trying to get to sleep on your own! Just put on some calm music. Smell some lavender!
Brain #2 Julie, this is not a joke. You have bipolar disorder and that means you have sleep problems. TAKE YOUR MEDS! It’s not like you’re drinking wine or smoking pot to sleep. These are MEDICATIONS! You have never taken more medications than needed in your life. Why do you always have to make this so difficult? It’s 2AM. Stop trying to talk yourself out of it and take your meds!
I can tell tonight is one of these nights. I will probably get in bed and listen to something calming and then still be wide awake. But I know myself. I have to at least give myself a chance to fall asleep on my own. I did all I am supposed to do for a good night’s sleep. I got home early from karaoke. I didn’t overeat. I wasn’t in cigarette smoke- no smoking in Oregon finally! and I am not watching TV or a DVD right before bed. But it doesn’t look good.. oh well! I have the Ativan ready!
Julie
I understand the sometimes nightly battle. I sometimes put a time limit on getting to sleep on my own – so that I can take Ambien to allow for 8 hours of sleep.
Have you tried melatonin? It is a WONDER drug for my daughter when she is having sleep problems. We do still need a traditional sleep aid from time to time, but a lot of the time, melatonin does the trick. If you have tried it in the past and it didn’t work for you, talk to your doc/pharmacist about a higher dose. Hope this helps!