I\u2019m so needy today! I feel like crying and I\u2019m lonely. These are the very typical systems of depression, but they sure are hard to fight aren’t they!<\/p>\n
I get so tired of having bipolar disorder<\/p>\n
Here is a long post on the difference between feeling sad and having a bipolar disorder downswing\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
This can be an awful illness- I go into a downswing when something bad and stressful happens such as a work issue or a troubled relationship, but I also go down when I have a good experience such as seeing an old friend who has to leave the next day. Most people in this situation would feel sad, I get depressed. It\u2019s odd and it\u2019s not fair, but it\u2019s reality.\u00a0 There is a big difference between a depression downswing and feeling sad.<\/p>\n
One of my closest friends came to visit yesterday. He lives in Seattle which is about three hours from Portland. We used to date so building a friendship has taken a lot of time. But we have done it! He really makes me happy when I see him. He\u2019s from Africa and is always smiling. When he went back home yesterday, I was in a fine mood and really thought of how lucky I am to have such a good friend. I then started to feel sad that he had to leave. I\u2019m sure other people without bipolar disorder would feel the same-\u00a0it’s normal to be\u00a0melancholy\u00a0that he doesn\u2019t live close by and that things didn\u2019t work out relationship wise.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It\u2019s at this point that I go in a different path from people without bipolar disorder- I call the bipolar reaction.\u00a0 When I woke up this morning I started crying because my brain said that I never have good times and that I will always be single. Then I noticed that the weather was dark and gloomy just like my own life. I worried that my work was pointless and that I have money problems and health problems that are ruining my life. My house seems too small and I\u2019m sure that the people around me have boyfriends and a much better lifestyle than I do. He was supposed to stay a day longer but had work commitments, so I started to get worried I didn\u2019t have plans tonight. I felt that I have no friends and everyone is busy and doesn\u2019t care about me. I cried some more. I wonder is my life is even worth living when I\u2019m so unhappy.<\/p>\n
Bla, bla, bla, bla. It\u2019s a broken record isn\u2019t it! I have years of entries in my journal that sounds just like this. It\u2019s mostly rubbish and if I want to get well, I have to fight it. Depression is an insidious monster in my life.\u00a0 No matter how much I know about it or how many ways I have to treat it- I can still get caught in it’s unreasonable thinking.<\/p>\n
I will write\u00a0 what I do to fight it in the blog below.<\/p>\n
julie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m so needy today! I feel like crying and I\u2019m lonely. These are the very typical systems of depression, but they sure are hard to fight aren’t they!<\/p>\n
I get so tired of having bipolar disorder<\/p>\n
Here is a long post on the difference between feeling sad and having a bipolar disorder downswing\u2026\u2026<\/p>\n
This can be an awful illness- I go into a downswing when something bad and stressful happens such as a work issue or a troubled relationship, but I also go down when I have a good experience such as seeing an old friend who has to leave the next day. Most people in this situation would feel sad, I get depressed. It\u2019s odd and it\u2019s not fair, but it\u2019s reality. There is a big difference between a depression downswing and feeling sad.<\/p>\n