{"id":486,"date":"2012-09-04T14:12:59","date_gmt":"2012-09-04T21:12:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/?p=486"},"modified":"2018-05-15T09:58:21","modified_gmt":"2018-05-15T16:58:21","slug":"bad-bipolar-depression-down-swing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/bad-bipolar-depression-down-swing\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Bipolar Depression Down Swing"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Bipolar Down Swings<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m in quite a doozy of a downswing. I have many different kinds of bipolar downswings. This one is a sadness about my past down swing. I\u2019m thinking of a person I once loved very much who ended our friendship when he got married. I remember my ex who got very sick this year and didn\u2019t want my help. The music I\u2019m listening to as I write this is making me sad. I\u2019m at a library writing my latest book and when I look out the window I see so many happy people walking around the farmer\u2019s market. Last night I went to an event that was a lot of fun, and yet all I could do was think of how I didn\u2019t fit in and that\u00a0 <\/span>I didn\u2019t fit in anywhere. I\u2019m worried that my nephew will die before I do and then I worry that I would never survive if something happened to my family. I have the thought that I would rather die first. My diet is a mess. I sprained my toe. I\u2019m worried about money. The summer is over and the weather is getting dark.\u00a0 <\/span>My book draft is due on Monday and I feel very behind. I have an event to go to tonight for NAMI and I feel pressured to go even though it was my idea and my choice to say yes! I feel that I will be like this forever. <\/span><\/p>\n

Welcome to the insidious, dangerous, lying bipolar disorder down swing.\u00a0 <\/span>Can you believe all of that went through my mind just as I wrote it! This is one nasty illness. People without bipolar disorder may say, \u201cBut Julie we all go through this!\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Actually\u2026 no, not at all. No one without depression goes through this because it\u2019s NOT REALL. It\u2019s a mood swing manufactured by an illness. If you read down about four blogs you will see the normal me who had a quiet brain and was just getting on with my day! Then this. Nothing changed. I\u2019m under the same work pressure I\u2019ve been under for months. My financial picture is the same. My relationships are fine. I\u2019m able to work today. And my friend got married two years ago and my ex and I broke up way before he didn\u2019t want my help when he got sick! It\u2019s always hard for me to listen to certain songs when I\u2019m sick and there is no freaking way that everyone I can see out my window is happier than I am. <\/span><\/p>\n

This is an illness that creeps up on me and wants to ruin my life. Well, I simply won\u2019t let it! I write in order to get the language of depression down on paper. Then I can look at it objectively. The Health Cards taught me to do this. If you look at my depression Health Cards you will see that exact same thoughts that I wrote about above. That\u2019s because it\u2019s an illness with set patterns. I won\u2019t let it get me down. I will do my writing and get outside and go to my event tonight and have fun. I will not let this depression control my life. I\u2019ve gotten good at these techniques! <\/span><\/p>\n

Julie <\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Bipolar Down Swings<\/p>\n

I\u2019m in quite a doozy of a downswing. I have many different kinds of bipolar downswings. This one is a sadness about my past down swing. I\u2019m thinking of a person I once loved very much who ended our friendship when he got married. I remember my ex who got very sick this year and didn\u2019t want my help. The music I\u2019m listening to as I write this is making me sad. I\u2019m at a library writing my latest book and when I look out the window I see so many happy people walking around the farmer\u2019s market. Last night I went to an event that was a lot of fun, and yet all I could do [ Read More ]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=486"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11478,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/486\/revisions\/11478"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=486"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=486"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=486"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}