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I never thought I would live past age 50. I\u2019ve had relentless, suicidal, psychotic depression since age 19. It plagued me. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of it, the depression just kept on dogging me.<\/p>\n
Many loving relationships. Two marriages. Four colleges. Japan. Hawaii. Hong Kong. France. England and eventually China.<\/p>\n
That damn depression would not let me be. Meds, for a myriad of reasons didn\u2019t work for me. One day I realized that I would have to LIVE with this depression in order to survive this depression.<\/p>\n
I created a plan in 1998 and have used it every day since to keep myself alive. It\u2019s hard work, but it works.<\/p>\n
A few minutes ago, a big, freaking bucket of depression dumped itself on my head. NOTHING is wrong. It is simply the chemicals in my brain.<\/p>\n
I have genetic depression. It\u2019s no different than diabetes. My brain doesn\u2019t work. It is wonky. It creates emotions and thoughts that feel real, but they are NOT.<\/p>\n
When it dumped on me a few minutes ago, I said,\u201dOh $&! That feels awful!\u201d I cried a bit and reminded myself that I have bipolar and it has been VERY active during this pandemic. I will probably have a few suicidal thoughts later as this is the typical pattern.<\/p>\n
My depression is about 20% of what it used to be. I use the ideas in Take Charge and Get it Done and I found a med that works. Meds alone are not enough.<\/p>\n
The depression is terrible, but I have taught myself to FIGHT the unreal feelings and thoughts of this succubus illness.<\/p>\n
It takes a lot of my energy and so much fo my time, but I choose a life with a bucket of depression once in a while than a life where I was basically swimming in depression for 20 years.<\/p>\n
You can survive depression. We can do this.<\/p>\n
I have been here before and I will be here again. It is simply an illness.<\/p>\n
Julie<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I never thought I would live past age 50. I\u2019ve had relentless, suicidal, psychotic depression since age 19. It plagued me. No matter how hard I tried to get rid of it, the depression just kept on dogging me.<\/p>\n Many loving relationships. Two marriages. Four colleges. Japan. Hawaii. Hong Kong. France. England and eventually China.<\/p>\n That damn depression would not let me be. Meds, for a myriad of reasons didn\u2019t work for me. One day I realized that I would have to LIVE with this depression in order to survive this depression.<\/p>\n I created a plan in 1998 and have used it every day since to keep myself alive. It\u2019s hard work, but it works.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n