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<\/p>\nOriginally posted by Bp Magazine<\/p>\n
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by Julie A. Fast\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n Years ago, my much-loved partner, Ivan, went into a massive manic and psychotic episode that lasted for almost five months. As his sole caretaker, I was very confused and scared. During his manic and psychotic episode Ivan slept with someone else, told me he didn\u2019t love me and wanted a divorce, had the idea that someone was stalking me, and eventually came very close to suicide. Believe me, I\u2019ve been through it all. And we survived. Your relationship\u00a0can survive as well.<\/p>\n Bipolar disorder is a medical condition that manifests in behaviors that look like personal choices. It\u2019s hard for partners to understand this as the symptoms feel so personal. When a person with bipolar spends a child\u2019s college fund, makes horrible accusations, cuts down all of the trees in the back yard, refuses to listen to reason, and comes close to destroying a relationship, it\u2019s hard to step back and think, This is an illness<\/em>, but it needs to happen.<\/p>\n I eventually understood that bipolar made Ivan say and do horrible things while he was sick. At the time, I didn\u2019t have this insight and was just as confused as any partner. I vividly remember looking into his eyes in the hospital\u00a0and saying, \u201cIvan? Where are you? Are you in there? What is wrong? Have I done something to deserve this? Are you trying to punish me?\u201d I was scared he would never return back to his sweet and wonderful self\u2014but he did.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve been through it all. And we survived. Your relationship can survive as well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Bipolar disorder is a medical condition. If you\u2019re worn out because the behavior is constant and the episodes are frequent, this turns into a relationship issue because your needs are not being met. But if there was one huge episode where everything went to hell but the person is back now, this is a medical issue that needs to be treated as one.<\/p>\n It\u2019s often hard for partners who have been on the outside looking in on a big episode to articulate what they need, especially if the emphasis is on getting the person with bipolar stable. I can tell you from being on both sides that the person with bipolar needs to know the partner sees bipolar as an illness that changes behavior. And the partner needs to know that the person with bipolar is going to get help. Here is a script partners can use as a foundation to talk with someone who has bipolar:<\/p>\n I\u2019m confused and hurting right now. We each had a different experience when you were sick. I know you don\u2019t remember some of the really terrible things that happened, but I remember them all. I want you to know that I\u2019m working on understanding how an illness can change a person\u2019s behavior so drastically and how I\u2019m supposed to move on knowing that this might happen again. I don\u2019t blame you for what happened. And even though it\u2019s hard to say this now while we are still working on getting you better and figuring out how this happened, I can move forward. I need time to process what I went through. We don\u2019t have to make big decisions now. I need you to get help with the bipolar so that you can get stable and we can talk about the future when both of us are in a good place. I don\u2019t want to punish you and I don\u2019t want to make decisions I\u2019ll regret. You need time to heal, and I ask that my needs are addressed as well. We can do this together.<\/em><\/p>\n Can the relationship be repaired? Of course it can, but it can\u2019t go on the same as before. The biggest mistake couples make is ignoring the bipolar, assuming medications are the answer, and thinking life can return to how it used to be. There now has to be an awareness of the illness and how if left unmanaged it can cause chaos in a relationship, over and over again. Couples who work together to manage bipolar can form a bond that is stronger than a typical relationship simply because many of the issues that people often avoid\u2014including arguing, children, substance abuse, and lifestyle choices\u2014have to be out in the open. Yes, a relationship with someone who has bipolar disorder can succeed. But only if you work together at both the relationship and the bipolar.<\/p>\n If you are a partner of a person with bipolar disorder, I highly recommend Bp Magazine<\/a> and my book, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder. I also have a private group for partners on Facebook called The Stable Bed<\/a>.<\/p>\n <\/p>\nJulie\u00a0<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/h1>\n