{"id":10295,"date":"2017-06-06T00:09:59","date_gmt":"2017-06-06T07:09:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/?p=10295"},"modified":"2018-05-15T09:56:00","modified_gmt":"2018-05-15T16:56:00","slug":"guest-blogger-noor-baizura-whats-my-unique-signature-relapse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bipolarhappens.com\/bhblog\/guest-blogger-noor-baizura-whats-my-unique-signature-relapse\/","title":{"rendered":"Guest Blogger Noor Baizura: What\u2019s my Unique Signature Relapse?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

by Noor Baizura<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Every each one of us is unique.\u00a0<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

That is why Stigma deserves a stick in the eye.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Our unique personality, experience and nature<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Requires us to navigate how we interact and react<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

To the people and environment around us.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

With Bipolar Disorder, we have unique reasons that triggers our highs and lows.<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

So we need a unique recipe, set of tools and map to navigate our road to recovery<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

For our unique and amazing destiny in Life. <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

There is wisdom in both our pains and pleasures, but are we ready to discover and embrace it?<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

This powerful awareness and knowledge is what I call The Unique Signature Relapse.<\/p>\n

It is only after I studied the recurring patterns in my upward and downward bipolar spirals, that I was able to manage my health and condition with very limited medication and stop the vicious cycle of needing to be hospitalized for two weeks or a month almost every single year.<\/p>\n

Previously, when I was falling into an episode, my family and people around me use to notice the change in my behavior, speech and actions way before I was aware that I was spiraling into an episode. As time went by, I grew tired of always having to debate with them about whether I was having an episode or not. Worse still, whether I needed to up my dose of medication that was already blanking my brains out even in small doses.<\/p>\n

The worst part was always that, when I was excited about a brilliant idea, and I couldn\u2019t wait to share it with people, they use to shut me off unintentionally by asking me if I had been sleeping properly or if I was taking my medications or not, or worse\u2026that I should take my medication. Seriously?! Man\u2026here I was trying to do something productive and amazing and this is the reaction I get? I couldn\u2019t believe it.<\/p>\n

Same goes for any issue that I felt strongly about. It was as if I was never allowed to raise my voice, or stand up for what I believed in, or even tell anyone my two cents worth of what is right or wrong because, being someone with bipolar disorder, we seem to be a champion of creating a mountain out of a molehill. Being emotional beings, we tend to emotionally charge up every single thing out of proportion to the extent that any form of emotional display sends people into a panic frenzy because they are afraid that we will fall into an episode.<\/p>\n

Although I do not agree with my doctor a 100% of the time I must emphasize that it is important and good to have a doctor and medical support team back up for the bad days that neither my family nor my brains are capable of handling. Days of too many sleepless nights, till the point of hallucinations, or when you are in that state of being so restless that your body is really worn out and tired as heck but your brain just can\u2019t stop bubbling with ideas and racing thoughts. So you start looking like a half dead, half alive Frankenstein, with cracked and painful heels that can\u2019t stop walking. And when you\u2019re too accident prone, feeling lightheaded and surviving on 5 minute naps as you half stand, half sit. And your face and eyes starts looking discolored, puffy or sunken\u2026just basically worn out. Don\u2019t do that, too many people with bipolar have died from such breakdowns from not seeking professional help.<\/p>\n

Same goes for family support. Although I do not agree with everything they say or do, I must admit that on some days, when reality seems to slip beneath my feet, my family tries their best not to be my trigger and help me get back on my feet and get a grip, or just take away some responsibilities so that I can rest, recover and get myself together or take a break and chill, so that I can sleep and eat properly again and avoid getting hospitalized. And if it gets out of hand for them to cope, they convince me to take some medication, just to keep their sanity, so that I won\u2019t end up losing mine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Who am I?<\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

They asked me if I am Crazy\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

As if I have not asked myself before<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

They medicated, restrained and locked me<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0As if\u2026my freedom could start a war.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Manias and Depressions<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

The type that drowned me\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

and made me soar<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Madness and Genius\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

that crowns me\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

That has made me score yet numb & sore.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Take me as I am<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

My Lord, You Created me<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

And so therefore\u2026<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

In You I put my Faith, O Guide<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Help me Navigate and Win This War.<\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Last but not least, and like the words in my poem, I must emphasize the importance of believing in God. I don\u2019t intend to come off preachy, but honestly, when all else fails, I mean preferably BEFORE all else fails. To hold on to the rope of God, The Divine Creator, when your mind fails you, your judgement fails you, your emotions fail you, your insurance, your job, your boss, your family, friends, doctors and everyone seems to fail you\u2026 having a mustard seed of faith in God goes a long, precious, miraculous and divine way to have something to hold on to when there is nothing to hold on to except for the words that say hold on.<\/p>\n

Let sincere prayers accompany your tears,<\/p>\n

Till they dry away your tears.<\/p>\n

Let sincere and forgiving prayers soothe you,<\/p>\n

When anger seems to give in to your fears<\/p>\n

Let sincere and honest prayers fill you<\/p>\n

Till He heals you and gives you renewed strength<\/p>\n

To take action and fulfill your mission<\/p>\n

With the Gift of His Power from deep within.<\/p>\n

Noor<\/span><\/em><\/h1>\n

About Noor Baizura:<\/p>\n

Poet. Artist. Author.<\/p>\n

4 upcoming books:<\/p>\n