American Journalism Award
Best Mental Health Advice Column in the United States goes to Julie A. Fast.
June 2007

Mental Health America recognizes superlative media coverage of mental health issues by journalists in television, print, radio, online, wire, photography and entertainment. The MHA media awards are the only peer judged competition for mental health reporting in the United States.

Along with 12 other media professionals, Julie Fast will receive a recognition award in Washington DC on June 8, 2007.

"Mental illnesses ruins lives, but it doesn’t have to be this way. I want my readers to know that if I can have a productive life despite being mentally ill, they can do so as well. The Mental Health America award helps me see that my writing does make a difference and it certainly makes me want to continue educating the world on how to treat mental illness successfully. It is possible!” - Julie Fast

About Julie Fast
 

Julie A. Fast is the author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Understanding and Helping Your Partner (New Harbinger, 2004) and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder (Time/Warner, fall 2006)
 

Hello. Welcome to bipolarhappens.com. The following is a brief history of my life with bipolar disorder and how I and my family members and friends use the Health Cards for Bipolar Disorder to daily manage this illness. You can do the same.

 
I showed all the signs of bipolar disorder from age 16. I had my first manic episode at 17 - but as I was on a school sponsored vacation to Europe, my family never saw what happened. I then went to college where I alternated between mania and depression for a year, especially in relation to my first romantic relationships. Once again, I was not near any people who knew me and when I flunked out of college and came home it was just assumed that once again I had changed my mind about what I wanted to do with my life. This started the saying, "That's just Julie!" This comment kept me from getting the help I needed.

Over the next five years I floated around trying and quitting school. Trying and quitting boyfriends. Trying and quitting too many jobs to count. And that's when the new saying started, "Julie, you're SO SMART! Why can't you just finish school? Why can't you settle down? Why can't you stay in one job? What's WRONG with you, Julie?" I responded to all of this by saying it was just who I was. How could I know that it wasn't really me, but an illness? I tried to get help. I went to therapists - one who told me that my behavior was not very Christian. I learned not to be codependent. I embraced my inner child. I did everything I could to somehow calm down my life. It didn't work. I kept up my pattern of moving and craving change to deal with my mood swings. I truly had no idea what was happening to me.

 
In 1987, I met a man named Dan while I was manic and fell passionately in love. We were married after spending less than two months together. I went to join him in Hawaii where he was in the army and went into a down swing so severe that I wouldn't let him touch me. This was in 1988. I never recovered and our relationship didn't survive. (To this day I don't think he understands what happened.) So I moved to Japan. This started years of wild swings and psychotic behavior. And still, despite all of the therapists and self help books and sun and diet changes, I didn't get better. I really believed I was the cause of my chaotic life. I really believed that I was weak and that everyone was right. I would never be happy. I would never be stable. I was a failure and a fake. I wanted to die. Then I would have an up swing.
 
In 1992, I met a wonderful man, Ivan, while I was manic. I moved into his apartment after knowing him for ONE WEEK. I was just so much fun! Then I went down. But we managed. I tried to change. We moved to the United States in 1994 and by some unbelievable, unimaginable fate, coincidence, or what ever you want to call it, he became very ill, went into the hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And still, I didn't see the signs in myself. I wasn't so ill that I needed hospitalization. I didn't see animals in the trees. I didn't think that water was medicine. I didn't act like he did. I went into a hypomanic episode while he was in the hospital and somehow managed to hold it together until he got home. And then I went down. Way down. As you probably know, there's little help for people who have to commit a loved one to the psychiatric ward, and I didn't survive the stress. He went home to his mother in France and I slowly went down more and more.
 
He returned in a few months and we tried to work things out. But I couldn't deal with the stress. So I left him and went to China. And still, despite all the doctors I had talked to about bipolar disorder, all the books I had read about the illness, I didn't see it in myself - and no one saw it in me.
 
My mother joined me in China. Another attempt to help me the only way she knew how. She followed me to China to make sure I was okay. And then, in 1995, in a hotel room in Hong Kong after a night of heavy drinking, I looked in the mirror and said, "I think I have a serious mental illness." I finally realized that all the sounds I heard in my head weren't normal. I realized that seeing myself get killed by a car, mauled by a dog or smashed by a truck wasn't normal. I realized that the voices I thought were my own negative thoughts were actually hallucinations. I realized that I was sick. So I went home with my mom to Hawaii and went to her general doctor.

It never entered my mind to go to the emergency room and ask to see a psychiatrist. I still didn't see that it was bipolar disorder. I didn't know about Bipolar II. I didn't know that you don't have to go completely out of your mind when you have this illness. I didn't know that you could have chronic non- hospitalized bipolar disorder. I thought I had post traumatic stress disorder due to Ivan's months in the hospital and maybe obsessive compulsive disorder with sever depression. I just had no idea how sick I was and had been for over 15 years.
 
My mom's general doctor put me on antidepressants, but didn't ask me any questions from the DSMIV(the diagnostic manual that psychiatrists use to diagnose mental illness.) Once again, I slipped through the medical system. At least I had an amazing reaction to the antidepressants. The voices stopped. I had some normal thoughts for the first time in years. But then the side effects started. And kept on going. This often happens when people with bipolar II finally go see a doctor. We are treated for depression and not asked about bipolar disorder. This is dangerous as treating someone only with antidepressants can cause mania. This is exactly what happened with me.
 
When you try to write your bipolar disorder history things seem so obvious in hindsight, but there are often so many outside factors that keep you from getting the help you need. Lack of knowledge in the therapy profession. (I had many caring therapists over the years, but none were trained to look for the signs of bipolar disorder.)Lack of knowledge in general practitioners. Lack of knowledge in the community.

I showed 100% of the signs of bipolar disorder and yet I still wasn't diagnosed with the illness- instead I was given antidepressants by a general practitioner. She didn't ask me any questions about mania. She didn't ask me if I heard voices. And I'm not sure if I could have told her the truth. I always thought that voices were what serial killers heard that told them to kill people. I thought that voices would make me mumble as I walked down the street. I was SO uneducated and naïve. I had lived with someone with bipolar disorder and I was blind. But so were the professionals who tried to treat me. (Things have changed considerably now that bipolar disorder is in the news so much, but in 1995, there was little talk of the illness.)
 
I returned to my home in Seattle and went back to Ivan. I told him I would get help and that things would get better. I had medicines now and my life would be stable- no more ups and downs. It was just depression. It wasn't me. But the pills stopped working. I started to hear voices again. I became manic. I couldn't handle the side effects and finally, 15 years after my first signs of mental illness, I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II Rapid Cycling - and it only took her 20 minutes. I was 31 years old.
 
Was I bitter? Yes. But now that I had an answer for my odd behavior, I thought my problems were over. I would finally get help. I would take lithium and get my life back. I would have normal, healthy relationships. I would go back to school and get a masters degree. I would be able to stay on a job for more than a year. I wouldn't move to Asia everytime I got sick. I would settle down. I believed in medication. I was saved.
 
Unfortunately, I was not able to tolerate medications. Who would have known that I would gain over 80 pounds, crack my teeth, lose my hair and become truly suicidal from the medications? I found out the hard way that there are few alternative treatments for someone like myself. It was scary and frustrating to realize that people with medication problems have so few options. And though I know that for many people these medications work exceptionally well- I have to ask - what about the rest of us? What about the side effects? What about our quality of life? What about our physical health? I had permanent damage from the 23 medications I tried after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was more ill on the medications than I have ever been in my life. I wanted to take them. I wanted to be well, but it wasn't meant to be.
 
So, in 1998 after three years of medications, I made a huge decision. I left my psychiatrist who didn't have time for me because she was burned out and frustrated from working for an HMO and I decided that it was up to me to learn how to treat this illness or I would be dead. I stopped all the experimental medications that made me ill. (If you haven't done so already, please read my disclaimer about medications before you go on with this history. I'm not suggesting you stop your medications.) I found a wonderful psychiatrist Dr. Steven Juergens who was willing to monitor me while I tried to get well on my own. I agreed that I would take medications if I became too ill and would just deal with the side effects until I got better. And then I got to work.
 
I returned to my roots in natural medicine. I found a naturopath, a chiropractor and masseuse who were willing to help me in my quest. I found a therapist who understood bipolar disorder and could help me through the changes I had decided to make. I changed my diet and started to exercise. I returned to yoga and practiced my breathing- and that was just the first step. The next step was to learn to manage the bipolar disorder through behavioral and environmental modification. I learned what made me ill and what I could do to prevent mood swings. I became so familiar with my symptoms that they were no longer frightening. I learned that bipolar disorder seems extremely chaotic, but it's actually very predictable. This was the beginning of the Health Cards.
 
It took only six months to see positive changes. My brain slowed down a bit. I slept better. The mood swings calmed down. (At the height of my episodes I was going up and down as much as every half hour.) Now, I don't want to make light of these changes. This was hard, hard work. I monitored every single symptom, what caused it, where I was when it happened, and then started to think of what I could do to stop the swings. I put my healing above everything else in my life. I was very careful with my diet. I became committed to never having to go through the severe mood swings again. And then I started to notice patterns. I started to see connections. And that is how the Health Cards were created. It took two years to perfect the system. I started to use them with my partner (Ivan) and then moved on to writing books on the topic.
 
I now know that this illness is treatable even for those of us who do not respond well to medications. For those who can take medications, the tools I created in the Health Cards can be used to take care of what symptoms remain and may eventually lead to a reduction in medicine dose. Through the Health Cards, I regained my life. Because of the Health Cards I was able to work again- to create and maintain this web site and to write the books, Bipolar Happens!, Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder: Helping and Understanding Your Partner and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. The Health Cards truly saved my life. I went from catatonic, psychotic depression to a more normal life in just six months.
 
Life today: I still have bipolar disorder and many symptoms of the illness. If I don't follow my program, I get ill. I haven't eliminated this illness. I'm not NORMAL by society's standards. I still can't work in a traditional environment. I often battle anxiety, depression and psychosis. Hypomania loves to sneak up on me. I still have to monitor myself every single day. This isn't a quick fix, but I have my life back. I have fun. I rarely have more than a week of illness at a time. (My last book deal was overly stressful and I had a few months of illness at a time, but I kept going.)I have taught myself to stop and prevent many of my episodes, including psychosis. I now have friendships that last. I have learned my limitations and I work to accept them. Acceptance is so important for those of us with this terrible illness. I have also found a few medications I can tolerate in very small doses.
 
This web site is proof that a person who thought of suicide every single day for four years can recover and thrive. I want the same for you. My goal is to get The Health Cards and my other books to as many people as possible. I have a request for you in this goal. Let's work together. Let's teach people about this illness. Let's get better. I believe that the Health Cards and the book Bipolar Happens! can help you reach that goal as well. Good luck!
 
 
 

©2006 Julie Fast