Ok, I'm finally going to write about
how you've helped me. I've been putting
it off and putting it off, but I'm going
to do it now. Part of it has been just
the fact that things have been so great
lately and totally back to normal (even
better than normal, most of the time)
that I just haven't wanted to go back
and think much about when Zach was in
the hospital. That was definitely one
of the hardest times in my life and it
would have been a lot worse if you hadn't
been here. I'm just so sorry that it's
taken me so long to write this and I hope
it won't be too choppy and disorganized...
When I thought about how to put into
words how much you helped me, it seems
like an impossible task. The first thing
that you did for us was just the fact
that you were aware of Bipolar and knew
the symptoms of a psychotic episode. For
a week, I thought Zach was acting strange
but I had no idea what was happening.
I thought maybe I was messed up because
I couldn't understand him. We were fighting
so much and I was so miserable and confused.
But you knew what was happening. As soon
as you saw him, you recognized it. That
was so crucial and it scares me to think
about what could've happened if you hadn't
seen him. He had already put his life
in danger and it could've been a lot worse.
His behavior would have escalated until
something really tragic happened. I know
this because no one else knew what was
happening and we all would have just tried
to ignore his behavior.
The second thing you did that I will
forever be amazed at, is the fact that
once you recognized it, you did not ignore
it. You acted. I never would have approached
a man I did not know who was psychotic.
Even though I know that Zach is a gentle
person, you did not and you still bravely
came to him to help. Your courage to do
this was amazing. It was noble and heroic.
You saw someone in need and you did not
turn your back. For this, you are truly
my hero.
Once Zach was in the hospital, your advice
and information was invaluable to me.
The doctors and nurses and hospital staff
were nice enough, but no one helped me
to understand what was happening more
than you did. The greatest thing about
having you around was that you had been
through it before. You told me everything
that was going to happen before it did
so I always felt prepared. I was not as
overwhelmed as I would have definitely
been without you. You were able to tell
me what was happening to Zach as well
as the procedures that were occurring
at the hospital. It was incredibly comforting
to know that Ivan had had such similar
experiences and that this was not a uniquely
scary event. It was also comforting to
see Ivan and see how healthy he was after
experiencing the same thing Zach was in.
You helped me with advice on how to deal
with doctors and nurses, how to assert
myself and also with how to deal with
Zach. How to not get upset after visits
and stay focused on the positives. Throughout
his entire hospitalization I felt prepared
and clear about what was happening. You
made me feel that way.
The last thing that I definitely wanted
to mention, may have helped me the most.
That is your sense of humor. I was so
freaked out by everything that was going
on that I was incredible tense and frazzled.
After a visit with Zach that I cried about
on my way home, I would tell you about
it and you would laugh! At first, I didn't
see anything funny about it, but after
awhile I learned to laugh, too. I learned
that it was ok to laugh and I didn't need
to take it all so seriously. What Zach
said to me was funny and I did write a
lot of it down to look back on and laugh.
It was fascinating. You helped me distance
my emotions enough to see the humor and
see the incredible complexity of the human
brain. Bipolar is fascinating and the
way people act is incredible. Being able
to intellectualize things as well as laugh
at them made it all so much more tolerable.
It helped turn this event into a learning
experience.
So, that's how you helped me get through
Zach's hospitalization, in a nutshell.
As far as the health cards go, to be honest,
we haven't used them much. Zach has been
very lucky and he reacted very well to
the lithium. He hasn't been having the
moods that we originally wrote about with
the cards. Wait, I say that we haven't
used them much, but that's not entirely
true. When you first presented them to
us, we went through and noted behaviors
and came up with solutions and ideas to
help. While we're not looking at the actual
cards much, I think we still use the techniques
a lot. We just have it sort of memorized
and automatic now. When Zach shows symptoms
of depression or anxiety or anything,
I know not to get caught up in it and
try to argue him out of it. And rather
than talking about it, we'll often just
go for a walk, or go to the gym. Zach's
been pretty good about telling me what
he needs when he needs it. And I'm getting
better at listening and responding to
those needs. So while we're not looking
at the cards much anymore, I think we
still very much use the techniques that
we learned through them.
Well, I hope that this helps you a little
bit. I wish I could say more and say it
eloquently. I talked with Zach about using
his story and he said that's fine. Good
luck with it and I look forward to seeing
it when it's up. Please let me know if
there' anything else I can do for you!
