Bipolar Disorder Language is Very Predictable

Bipolar disorder is chaotic in terms of mood swings, but once a person is in a mood swing, the behavior is very predictable.

Depressed people tend to talk and act in the same way. The subject matter may change and the severity of the mood swing can vary greatly, but the way things are said and the tone of what is said stays the same. This is true for all bipolar disorder symptoms.

Think of how people talk with they are anxious. They use the same language.

People who are manic use the same language. It’s not as though everything is completely new each time.

Because of this, you can literally learn the language and behavior of each bipolar disorder symptom that affects your relationship and then use this information to stop the mood swing from going too far. The beginning of a Bipolar Conversation (this is explained in all of my books) is often the best clue you have that the situation may get out of hand and immediate help is needed.

I created my Health Cards based off of this principle. I also explain the process in Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder and Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. There is help if you need it!



PS: To get started- write down what you SAY when you are depressed as compared to when you are manic.  Learn these phrases and when they show up you can say to yourself, “Wait a minute! I have done this before.  This is a mood swing and I need help.” It’s so simple, but it works.

Ask Julie Fast: Why Can’t I Breathe When I Have Anxiety?

“It’s hard to explain how much anxiety can affect breathing. Here is an example. I dream that I can’t breathe. Then, during the day I feel like I’ve been running a race. There is nothing wrong that I can tell, but I simply can’t breathe. My breathing is shallow and I start to worry that I’m having a reaction to a medication or that my lung is punctured. I used to go the ER with shooting pains in my ribs. My symptoms did look like a heart attack. Once I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it was easier to see what was anxiety and what was an actual physical illness in my heart or lungs. Even today, when I know everything I need to know about anxiety, it still scares me and really scares my husband. We have a plan for when I get sick like this, but I still have to live through it. Julie, what do you do about your anxiety? How are we supposed to survive this?”
Angela in Alaska
Hello Angela,
What a perfectly timed questions. How do I live with my anxiety? These days, anxiety is getting the better of me on some days, but overall, I am learning to keep it at a simmer instead of a raging boil. It affects my ability to work and affects my ability to deal with real health issues that need a calm mind and body. But, Angela, I can tell you that there is help and there is hope. The first thing is to address what you eloquently describe. The breathing problem. Anxiety is all about breathing. If you can get your breathing back to normal, you will decrease your anxiety within minutes.

You can end an anxiety attack just using your breathing. 

Right now, if you are having anxiety, notice your shoulders, mouth, stomach, back and overall body language. Let everything droop and breath out a nice long breath that makes noise as it comes out. As you breath back in, visualize your body in a relaxed position and use the breath in to put your body in a space that is comfortable. It’s like you are putting air into your marionette. You are the puppet master. Focus on breathing only. Breath out with a noise and get it all out, then, while you are slumped over, use your breath to breathe life back in to your body instrument. Breathe into all of the nooks and crannies of your body. Get the oxygen in your cells. Feel this oxygen energize your cells to help your body pump blood in your heart and get the right amount of air to your lungs- think of this breath as an anxiety soothing breath……
From Web MD: After absorbing oxygen, the blood leaves the lungs and is carried to your heart. Your heart then pumps it through your body to provide oxygen to the cells of your tissues and organs.
As the cells use the oxygen, carbon dioxide is produced and absorbed into the blood. Your blood then carries the carbon dioxide back to your lungs, where it is removed from the body when you exhale.
It is about the GASSES! You need a balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide when you are anxiety. The gas balance is off.
Now, you have reinflated your body into a relaxed position with this lovely oxygen and in return, you will release the carbon dioxide back into the world at a normal pace. It’s circular.
Anxiety is many things, but first of all things, anxiety is a breathing problem. When you can control this, you are starting to get the anxiety under control as well.
Breathe it all out. Go limp. Breathe in a lovely and deep dose of oxygen that goes to every part of your body. Hold it here. Hold a pose of relaxed alertness. You are human and ready to go. Now, release with noise and let your body go limp and do this until you can stand up and breathe regularly.
I am also posting another idea below from my blog that helps with panic attacks.
Angela in Alaska, anxiety is telling us something. 0ur balance is off. Getting our breath back in balance is 100% in our control. Once we do this, we can explore what is causing the anxiety to take over our lives.


Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety and Panic Attacks: How to Calm the Heck Down!

I have a lot of work to do today. I created the work. I want the work and darn it, I’m going to do the work. Getting myself in a space where the work is possible is a challenge. Here is what I’m going to do.
1. Notice the position of my shoulders. Yep. Up against my ears. I just lowered them. Doing this helped me take a natural and deep breath.
2. Focus on breathing. I put my arms behind my head and clasp them together. I push my shoulders back and breathe.
3. Go through a short EFT tapping session. Ah, that feels better. I am now back in my body instead of floating with anxiety.
4. Create a short to do list. Get it Done When You’re Depressed reminds me that to do lists can be short and in the moment. I have one task, to answer email and bill my clients. I have five hundred other things I need to do as well, but this is what comes first. So my to do list can be short. Answer email. Send invoices. I don’t have to make the list any longer than this.
5. Feel the anxiety and do it anyway. Work anxiety is my bugaboo. Grand goals send me out of my body and into a universe of worry. Getting myself BACK IN MY BODY helps me focus on what is in front of me instead of what might happen or what might go wrong.
6. Praise myself all day long. I do my best. You do your best. We are doing our best. Bipolar disorder is a challenge we can rise to and meet.
We are strong. What project do you want to start today? What are the first three, tiny steps. Do those little steps and go from there.
I can do it. You can do it! We can do it!
What can you do right now to laugh? Click here and see if you can laugh. It will absolutely help with anxiety.
 Remaining playful during a panic attack helps. Yes, I just talked myself through a panic attack. You can do the same!



Here I am during a panic attack. Notice the face and how tense I look? I can relax my shoulders. Breath in deeply and get plenty of air in my chest and get my body back to normal.

What is it really like to work when you have active bipolar disorder, psychosis and anxiety?


I just sent out a newsletter. Here is what I experienced the entire time I was working:

1. Shortness of breath.
2. Felt like my heart was in my throat- literally- like a lump.
3. Dizziness
4. Worry
5. Guilt
6. Dread
7. Anger that I have to go through this CRAP
8. Lack of faith in what I was writing.
9. A great desire to simply quit what I was doing.
10. Zero belief I would reach my goal.

I have lived with this my entire life. It is my brain. I have a lot of mental health symptoms that simply show up when I work.

The secret is learning to work THROUGH them.

I sent that darn newsletter and it is beautiful. Who cares that I felt like I was dying while working on the project. I will keep going.


My Bipolar Disorder DESPITE List

Here is my DESPITE list- a positive way to look at what we CAN do when the mood swings are trying to take away our ability to live our lives.

Today, despite being quite sick, I did the following:

– I was nice to the people I met.
– I talked with a friend on the phone instead of NOT answering.
– Recorded a video when I was unable to work this morning.
– Felt thankful for my therapist who understands how much I struggle with work due to my bipolar and anxiety.
– Printed out the sheet music for a singing class I’m taking tonight to make myself get out in public, DESPITE being sick.
– Talked nicely to myself.
– Set up my next Cannabis and Bipolar Workshop. Reminded myself that it’s ok to only be able to set the date and not be able to market. That will come later when I am feeling better.
– Paid attention to my mom’s dog Cookie. Animals help us feel better!
– Decided that I am going to be ok.
– Answered a few email- my main system when the anxiety is raging.
– Did NOT eat sugar to feel better. It’s four months now that I’m dealing with my symptoms instead of eating my way through my symptoms.
– Accepted that this is probably about it for the day.
– Read a few chapters of the excellent and life affirming memoir called Harpo Speaks from Harpo Marx. This book will help you feel better!

I believe in you. Bipolar disorder affects our ability to work. I have blogs due. I have an article due. I have coaching inquiries to answer. I have to work to support myself. But I can’t always do it. I just can’t. On many days, my life is about staying stable and alive and focused on getting better. That is my job today. You can do the same. Then, when the bipolar is better, I will get back to work.

Bipolar disorder and anxiety are real. They affect our lives in every way. We must take time to get better if we want to get on with life and reach our goals.

Please visit my Julie A. Fast Facebook Page and share your list. Be NICE to yourself!


The Suspicious, Controller Personality

After seven years of working with thousands of family members and partners, I’ve noticed one personality type that always causes confusion and distress for the family. I call this the Suspicious, Controller Personality. I of course see this behavior when a person with bipolar disorder is in a dysphoric, manic and psychotic episode, but I’m talking about personality here which means the behavior is consistent over time and is not part of a mood swing. I have found that cannabis with high THC affects this personality the most. This personality is usually seen in men and can be very confusing and scary for family members if it is a young son. I teach a communication tool that family members can use to successfully interact with such a personality to all of my clients.
The Suspicious, Controller Personality
– Has to have the last word. Especially if it is a text or email battle.
 -Will use your ideas to get help, but only if he can modify them.
– Argues about everything for the sake of arguing.
– Always has a better plan that what you suggest.
– Does not give out information, unless it is to his benefit.
– Does what he wants, even when he is telling you he is doing something different.
– Greatly depends on others, especially financially, but but doesn’t see it as dependence.
– If he doesn’t like an idea, he will put you down for having the idea.
– Knows more than everyone.
– Looks up information online to prove he is right.
– Sends random information to prove he is right.
– Snows over his health care professionals.
– Always has an answer.
– Has trouble listening.
– Verbally aggressive and sometimes physically aggressive if pushed too far.
– Has to be right all of the time.
– When you get tired and back down because you have had enough, he thinks he won the argument and feels successful.
– No matter what you suggest, he will come up with reasons why your suggestion will not work.
– Needs a lot of stimulation.
– Reckless.
– More outwardly focused on others than working on internal change.
– Lies, but doesn’t see it as lying. Lies of omission.
– Very, very good at twisting your words and tying YOU in a knot.
– Trusts only himself and his own memories and experiences.
– Doubts everything.
– Suspicious about why you are asking questions. Why are you asking me that is an answer that gets him out of having to actually answer your questions.
– Asks why you are doing what you do, but does not allow you to ask why he is doing what he does.
– Gas lighting. You are the one with the problem! Maybe you need a doctor, not me! I see paranoia in you with all of these questions!
– You feel awful after having a conversation with him.
– Is very good at getting you to doubt yourself.
-Is not there for you, unless you do what he wants you to do.
– Discusses things in the guise of asking for advice, but then goes and does what he wants.
– Gets angry easily and often says you, or what you’re doing makes him angry.
– Lets you know all of the time that he does not have a problem.
If you are in a relationship with a suspicious, controller, you will not change him. Instead, you can change how you communicate with him. That is the only thing I have found that works! This is the basis of my coaching with family members and partners.


 Julie is the bestselling author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Get it Done When You’re Depressed and the Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. She works as a family and partner coach and regularly trains health care professionals on bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder management strategies. You can read more about her coaching here